#seriously it’s been a fucking year since foundation season 2 came out

[daincrediblegg]

Seriously when the fuck will something new with jared harris in it come out I am fucking starving

[caribouv]

2023 BEST

+ ALBUM

Bottoms - Charli XCX. I don't know if a movie's score counts as an album, but this is the easy winner.

Fantasy - M83. I still can't get over Oceans Niagara and the music video. Beyond adventure, indeed.

The Whaler - Home is Where.

Javelin - Sufjan Stevens.

+ SONG

Jeff Rosenstock - LIKED U BETTER.

Afroman - Will You Help Me Repair My Door. The song is generally mid, but the background story behind it makes it amazing.

+ RECORD / COVER

I listened to too many mixes and sets without paying attention to records this year. I've got nothing.

+ SET/MIX/SHOW

Black Country, New Road - Live at Bush Hall. CLASS OF 81', LISTEN TO YOUR PROM KING!!! FUCK THE DEAN!!!

Chlär | Boiler Room x Glitch Festival 2023. This dude is changing techno in a big way. Loops loops loops lopps lopsodfpsopsofpsoo spooop loops.

LDS - HATE Podcast 340.

Pretty Pink - Deep Woods Radio. Girl was on point all year. There's probably better deep trance/house than this, but I'm too lazy to find it and this easily made me happy.

+ MOVIE

Talk to Me. Nothing comes close. This movie is perfection. Foreshadowing, details, subtely, so many layers, so much to think about. It's like Starship Troopers in that it's only a a dumb action / scary movie on first glance, but then you realize all the hidden meaning to it there in every scene.

Bottoms.

Nimona.

Killers of the Flower Moon.

Godzilla Minus One.

Stuff I loved, but only got to in 2023: Okja, The Wailing, Shiva Baby.

Long list piling up I haven't got to yet: Holdovers, Ninja Turtles, Smoking Causes Coughing, She Came to Be, 65, Infinity Pool, Past Lives, Suzume, Mad God, Saltburn, The Boy and the Heron, Argentina 1985, Close, Stars End, Hundreds of Beavers, Joyland, Fabelmans, Challengers.

+ TV SHOW

Vox Machina s2. Easy winner. Nothing else comes close. This is so good. They could and should just push s1 and s2 together seamlessly and release it all as a movie.

Foundation s1. This whole thing is gorgeously shot. Whoever did the storyboard / director of photography is brilliant.

Station Eleven

The Mole

Traitors AUS

SWARM. Before watching I wish someone would have told me the soft spoiler that she's a confused lesbian and the orphaned sister of her friend. It would have helped me understand/get past what were mistakenly viewed as gross and cringe scenes.

Last of US

Snake in the Grass

Y The Last Man. I liked it better than the books simply because the sister's story arc is more believeable and enjoyable. Really sad s2 isn't going to be a thing.

+ VIDEO GAME

Baldur's Gate 3. It's more Div Sin 5e than BG3, but still a phenomenal game. Organizing things by: action, bonus action, and free action has been a wild ephiphany and game changer for me at D&D night.

Dead by Daylight. Another year, another me. No change there. Nicolas Cage, Xenomorph, Ripley, Jonsie, Chucky, the return of Stranger Things… This game just keeps winning. I got burned out in late 2023 and haven't really touched it much since Summer, but this is easily one of the greatest games ever made for me.

WOW Season of Discovery. Injecting WOTLK gameplay systems into Classic? It's so simple and yet so fun.

Going Medieval. As they continue to develop this it's just going to get better and better and better.

+ BOOK

Y The Last Man. Poured through these. Politically… meh. I still liked them.

Book 12 WOT. I also started reading Red Rising becuase I wanted something easy, but that was a mistake because it's too teenage for even me. I also think for 2024 I'm going to switch to standalones and not big 3+ epics because it seriously took me like 2 years to get through WOT and I'm not sure it was worth it.

+ PERSON

Anyone, anywhere who stood out and spoke out against the IOF's genocide in Gaza.

+ FOOD

Butter chicken. Please help me stop eating so much butter chicken I have spent a small fortune at my local indian restaurant buying and eating butter chicken.

+ TRIP

The camping trips this year were fun af, stoked for this upcoming Spring and Summer. Started to get antsy late Summer and started regularly taking daytrips to mid/downtown almost every weekend as well.

+ MOMENT

What a year for US labor. UPS, SAG/WGA, UAW, etc. Syndicalists keep winning.

+ BIGGEST LET DOWN

Fetterman. What an absolute fucking loser. Not "loser" as an insult, but loser as in he lost. His leftist base got him into power, and yet he immediately betrayed them because he's afraid of the DNC+AIPAC and wants to keep his job 5.5 years from now. BITCH YOU HAVE NO FRIENDS. YOUR BASE NOW HATES YOU. AIPAC WILL ALWAYS HATE YOU. THE DNC WILL ALWAYS HATE YOU. YOU SOLD YOUR SOUL FOR GENOCIDE AND GOT CORN CHIPS FOR IT. I absolutely mean it when I say I hope he kills himself.

WOT s2. What the fuck did I even watch what the fuck was that? I know and truly understand adaptation means it can't follow the story, but what was this???? Why did badass women become a bunch of weak fragile pathetic pissy dumbshits who can't do shit????? Fuck this show.

Theme of the year: I don't have a theme. Personally, I had a pretty good year. US Labor had a very, very good year. CPI inflation, Ukraine, and Gaza were fucking horrible. 2023 was strange and mostly terrible.

Goals for 2024: Don't get stuck in a rut. Learn/perfect how to make various indian and thai dishes. Fix my pinball machine. Get 100k+ in DigDug.

[classysassy9791]

Sometimes its the quieter moments that speak the loudest. A story of love, laughter, and friendship carried through the years during the most wonderful season of all. Full of fluff and Christmas cheer. Interconnecting One-shots.

Fandom: Inuyasha Genre: Romance/Friendship Pairings: InuKag, MirSan, SessKagu Ch. 1 l Ch. 2 l Ch. 3 l Ch. 4 l

Chapter 5: All I Want for Christmas is You (part 1 of 2) Word Count: 2590 Can also be found here

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.

.

Kagome knew she was blushing.

She could feel the heat growing in her cheeks as she continued to stare across the room to where the object of her affections sat. Inuyasha sat at the dining room table, his face screwed in concentration, as he battled against frosting and gingerbread.

He had somehow managed to get icing everywhere, including his face and hair. He lifted his fingers to his mouth, licking them clean, and then running his tongue slowly over his lips to catch any remnants. Her heart beat quickened, and she shamelessly thought that his lips looked very kissable.

“Kagome?”

Biting her lip, Kagome watched in a daze as Inuyasha began to slip off his button-up shirt, grumbling something about it being one of his nicer ones, leaving his arms bare and his chest covered only by a wife-beater. She could practically feel the drool drip down her chin as he continued his work, his forearms flexing.

What she wouldn’t give for him to wrap those arms around her.

“Kagome, are you still there?”

Sango’s voice over the receiver finally startled Kagome out of her audacious musings, further deepening her blush.

“Y-Yes, I’m still here.” She immediately turned around and proceeded back into the kitchen, covering her face with her hand as if to hide her rosy cheeks. “Sorry about that. What were you saying?”

“I was saying that I won’t be able to join you guys today. Since my dad and Kohaku went to the hockey game, my mom needs me to run some errands with her.”

“Oh, well that’s all right,” Kagome said, while simultaneously trying to cool her blush by fanning herself. It didn’t help that the oven was on, making the room feel much hotter than it probably was. “I think we can survive without you this time.”

“Really?” Sango spoke skeptically. “You think you’ll be able to keep the boys in line?”

Kagome pondered for a moment before smiling sheepishly. “Well, I’ve left them unsupervised for a few minutes and they haven’t caused a disaster yet. So that’s a good thing, right?”

Sango exhaled deeply on the other line. “Well, just tell them if they don’t behave, I’ll castrate the both of them.”

“Sango!” Kagome shrieked, all efforts of disposing of her blush now gone to waste. “Since when have your threats become so crass?”

She could hear her chuckle on the other line. “Since the boys stopped believing I could actually beat them up – which, by the way, I still can.”

Rolling her eyes, Kagome leaned the phone in the crook of her neck, held in place by her shoulder. “If you say so.”

“Inuyasha, what the hell is that?” Miroku’s voice came from the dining room.

“What are you talkin’ about? It’s a house.”

“More like a haunted mansion. Seriously, do you even know what a house looks like?”

Inuyasha scoffed. “I can do whatever the fuck I want.”

“Language, boys!” Kagome called out before turning her attention back to the phone. “Look, Sango, I have to go. But call me later tonight after you’re done helping your mom.”

“Will do. Good luck!”

“Thanks,” she murmured sarcastically. The girls said their goodbyes, allowing Kagome to return to her task at hand, as well as the sinful thoughts she had minutes earlier.

Even though she told Sango it was okay, she silently berated her for canceling on them, leaving her to fend for herself against Inuyasha and Miroku’s usual depravity. Although, she couldn’t help but wonder how much damage they could do with some icing and gingerbread.

Sighing deeply, she took a moment to pull herself together. She breathed in the aroma of that perfect blend of spicy and sweet, filling her home with warmth not just from the oven. Gumdrops, marshmallows, and coconut shavings separated, Kagome gathered up their respective bowls and proceeded toward the dining room where she was sure to find disarray.

“Hey, here are some more—“ Her words cut off as she paused in the entryway.

The boys froze upon her entrance, each holding a tube of icing, and looking as if they had just been caught with their hands in Santa’s cookie jar. She glanced over their makeshift masterpieces, and almost laughed at the appearance of Inuyasha’s gingerbread house – which looked more like a lean-to.

But that was not what caused her to stop in her tracks. Somehow, icing was everywhere; on the table, smeared across the chairs, and even on Inuyasha’s face – again.

“He started it!” Inuyasha called out, immediately putting down his weapon when he realized they had been caught.

“Me?” Miroku rebutted with raised brows. “You’re the blockhead who couldn’t take a little constructive criticism!”

“Keh! Who asked for your opinion?”

“I merely tried to assist in your foundation!”

The two men, faces flushed from the heat of the argument, looked absolutely ridiculous, more-so because of the entirety of the situation. Kagome couldn’t even be angry with them for destroying her mother’s dining room or wrecking their gingerbread experiment.

She just found it so funny.

And she started laughing, haphazardly placing the bowls on the table as she watched their dumbfounded expressions. Inuyasha tilted his head like a puppy dog. “What’re you laughing at?” he asked innocently, as if he had no clue what kind of predicament he was in. “Do I have something on my face?”

Kagome wiped a tear from her eye and pointed to his face. “You have some icing there.”

He reached up to swipe at his cheek, but missed entirely, only causing Kagome’s smile to widen.

“Here,” she offered, grabbing a napkin and stepping close. “Let me.”

She wiped away the frosting, dabbing his face lightly, and granted him an amused smile. “Uh, thanks,” he grumbled, his voice husky as a light blush warmed his cheeks.

Kagome tugged on his hair playfully, pulling another glob of frosting free. “You sure are a handful, you know that?” she murmured affectionately.

It took her a full thirty seconds to realize their noses were only a few inches apart and she could feel his warm breath caressing her skin. Her gaze wandered to his lips and she swallowed past the lump in her throat.

“K-Kagome?” Inuyasha whispered, effectively snapping her out of her stupor.

Eyes wide, she suddenly pulled back, feeling heat creep up the back of her neck and flush her cheeks. “Uh, th-there you go,” she fumbled, clearing her throat. “Much better.”

Inuyasha blinked, as if he too had just realized what they had been doing.

Fortunately, as the awkwardness of the situation settled over them, Miroku decided to call out with, “Kagome, I have some frosting on my face, too! Can you come help me?”

Kagome turned to him, chuckling at his child-like pout and hopeful expression. “Sure.”

“Clean your own damn face!” Inuyasha snapped, sending Miroku a heated glare.

“But Inuyasha, why does the beautiful Kagome get to help you and not me?”

Ignoring the insults the boys threw at each other, along with a few pieces of gingerbread and candy, Kagome worked to calm her racing heart. She sighed, watching as they bickered, and realized her school-girl crush on Inuyasha was working its way deeper into her chest, leaving her at a loss.

On the bright side, she knew one thing was for certain.

Inuyasha and Miroku would never be allowed to build gingerbread houses again.

...

A low hum of Christmas music played in the background, coupled with the crackle and pop of the fire in the grand hearth. The beautifully embellished tree towered over them, lights twinkling across the glossy ribbons and brightly colored paper.

Kagome pulled another piece of tape from the dispenser and expertly folded the corner of wrapping paper, sealing it in place. She smiled at her handiwork, rather proud at how far she had come since she was a child. Her mother taught her well.

Glancing over, she realized not everyone had gotten better when it came to wrapping presents, evidenced by Inuyasha’s catastrophe. He currently attempted to tape together an odd-shaped gift for their friend, Shippo, but he was having no luck in making it look pretty.

Sango suddenly exhaled deeply, pushing away her latest gift into her growing pile. “Well, I’m ready for some more hot cocoa.” She stood up from where she had been sitting cross-legged on the floor, stretching her arms high over her head to loosen the muscles. “Anyone else want some?”

“Sure,” Kagome replied, handing her cup over, as well as Inuyasha’s when he distractedly agreed.

“Come on, Miroku,” Sango urged, nudging him with her foot. “Help me in the kitchen.”

“But I’m not done wrapping my gift yet,” he protested, proceeding to fold another corner.

Sango swiftly kicked him again. “I can’t carry four cups by myself.”

Pouting, he slowly climbed to his feet and grabbed their mugs. “I’ve only finished half of my gifts. This is going to take all night!”

“Oh, quit complaining. It’s not our fault you take your sweet time,” Sango berated him as they ventured into the kitchen, the sounds of their conversation fading.

Kagome smiled and turned to Inuyasha, who was still struggling with his present. “Some things never change,” she murmured, shaking her head affectionately. “Here, let me help.”

“No, I got it,” he assured, attempting to pull apart a piece of tape that had somehow stuck to itself.

She rolled her eyes at his pride. “Inuyasha, at least let me show you. That way you can do it yourself next time.”

He opened his mouth to refuse her help again, but at the same time managed to tear the paper wide open, resulting in having to start all over.

Kagome smiled warmly. “Let me.”

Scooting closer, she tore the paper off and began again. She folded the edges of his present neatly, her nimble fingers working quickly to tape it together. Inuyasha crossed his arms, grumbling under his breath that he was doing just fine and didn’t need any help.

While he watched her work, he suddenly turned to her and asked, “Hey, what do you want for Christmas, Kagome?”

She raised her brows with surprise, sparing him a glance. “You haven’t finished all your shopping yet?”

“Nah. I still have Miroku and Sango to do, but the rest are done.”

“Yeah, I still have a few to pick up, too,” she hummed in agreement.

“You didn’t answer my question.”

She looked up at him innocently. “Hm?”

“What do you want for Christmas?”

She shrugged and turned back to wrapping the gift. “Nothing really.”

He furrowed his brows with surprise. “Nothing?” he parroted. “You always have a Christmas list made out in July. What do you mean ‘nothing’?”

“I just don’t want anything this year. Is that a crime?”

He didn’t miss the light blush that dusted her cheeks. “Uh, yeah, for you it is. What’s going on—?”

“Here we are!” Miroku exclaimed as he and Sango suddenly reappeared, effectively interrupting Kagome and Inuyasha’s conversation, which Kagome was all too happy for.

After all, how could she tell him what she really wanted for Christmas?

Sango handed her a cup of hot cocoa, which Kagome quickly took a sip, relishing in the warm chocolate taste and sweet hint of marshmallow. “Perfect, as always.”

 “So, did you guys finish your holiday shopping?” Sango asked as she took a break from wrapping gifts.

“We were just talking about that. I still have Souta to buy for, but he should be easy.” Kagome curled her hands around her mug and sighed. “My gramps will be hard, though. I never know what to buy him.”

As the conversation turned to brainstorming ideas of what to buy for the rest of their family and friends, Kagome could feel Inuyasha stealing glances at her. Her answer to his question had left him confused, and contrary to popular belief, Inuyasha wasn’t as dense as he seemed.

...

December twenty-fourth rolled around, and just like many years before, Kagome found herself at Sango’s place to celebrate. However, she wasn’t really in much of a partying mood, even after a few glasses of eggnog.

She had Inuyasha to thank for that.

It had been a week and Kagome still hadn’t told him what she wanted for Christmas. Time was quickly running out, and at this rate, he had told her she would be receiving her present late. Not many stores were open on Christmas, and it was already seven o’clock at night.

Determined to avoid him and his insistent questioning, Kagome had ducked into a different room or another crowd all night. It was rather exhausting, not leaving much energy for actually enjoying the party.

Finally, she had given up on evading him. Curled up on the couch with a cup of hot chocolate in front of the fire place, she gazed at the hearth absently. She listened to the low hum of Christmas music playing in the background, sometimes drowned out by the laughter of some of the guests.

Over the years, the parties at Sango’s place had grown. Extended relatives joined in, some newly married or recent parents, as well as neighbors or friends whose family had all passed and had nowhere to go. Sango’s home was a place of solace during the holidays. After all, no one should be alone on Christmas.

Inuyasha suddenly plopped down next to her, effectively startling her, but when she realized who it was, she smiled. “Having a good time?” she greeted him.

He shrugged. “Yeah, I guess.”

She nodded her head behind her to where his half-brother and his girlfriend were speaking with Ms. Higurashi. “How do you feel about Kagura?”

“Keh,” he scoffed, following her gaze. “She’s all right. Sesshomaru’s more tolerable when she’s around, so that’s nice.”

Kagome laughed. “Yeah, I can see how she can keep him in line.”

Silence fell over them as Kagome sipped on her cocoa. She stole glances at Inuyasha out of the corner of her eye. He wore a red cashmere sweater that fit snug in all the right places and he had pushed up his sleeves to his elbows due to how warm it was inside.

God, did he look good.

“So…” Inuyasha prodded hesitantly, effectively pulling Kagome’s gaze back to his own. “Are you ever going to answer my question?”

She already knew what he was referring to. Averting her gaze to her cup of hot chocolate, she watched the marshmallows float in the milky-brown. “I already told you.”

“That wasn’t a real answer.” He wrapped his arms around her bended legs, resting his chin on her knees.

She gazed into his amber eyes, flecked with firelight, and affectionately tousled his hair. “I don’t want anything,” she tried again, hoping to ward him off with a smile.

He didn’t buy it. “Liar.” He pulled her hand free from his hair and held it. “I’m serious. What’s going on?”

Kagome swallowed hard past the lump in her throat, feeling her stomach pool with unfamiliar warmth and the feel of Inuyasha’s calloused hands against her own. She felt heat flush her cheeks, and it wasn’t from the warmth of the fire. “Inuyasha…”

His hand tightened around hers. “Tell me, Kagome. What do you want for Christmas?”

She wasn’t sure where her courage came from, but she suddenly found herself taking the proverbial leap of faith. So while staring into the amber eyes that gave her butterflies, in a small, breathy whisper, she spoke a single word.

“You.”

[amwritingmeta]

14x11 and 14x12: Epic Bookends

Found this in drafts and I thought I’d post it. Interesting how the breaking of the codependency has been pulled on with ever increasing sincerity since 13x20. In 15x05 it was a stark thread running through the episode and no, I do not believe the answer to how best to break it is through one brother killing the other. I mean, seriously tut, Chuck, tut. :)

TFW are going through a bit of a tough time, aren’t they? Poor men. Isn’t it glorious? Okay, don’t get me wrong, I feel for them, but all the things that this tough time might be setting up for is making me want to shimmy-shake.

Firstly, I’d like to outline my view of Dean and how I see him relating himself to Sam this season, because these bookends are all about commenting on the breaking codependency.

The codependency, to my mind, was cracked down the middle in 13x20, in that final scene, where Dean realises what his view on life, and family, has meant for Sam’s view on life and family -->

This view is not what Dean wants for Sam. This attitude of them being so closely tied to one another that whatever happens to one of them, happens to both of them, is unhealthy, and Dean’s eyes finally opened to this fact as he, through Sam’s statement, realised exactly how toxic his influence has been on Sam, and it lent him an important tool to begin digging into the self-reflection that’s been going on this season.

Because why has his influence been toxic? Where does this toxicity stem from? Having his behaviour marked as an actual threat to Sam was the needed push for Dean to gain new self-perspective, and through it, grow actually aware of his shadow. 

(which is, of course, why he very soon after comes face to face with Michael, who represents Dean’s shadow, just as the Empty represents Cas’ shadow)

Now, Dean has absolutely struggled with Sam’s newfound independence as Chief of their tribe, but he’s also very much accepted Sam taking the lead, and supported it. This whole season, he’s been trying to let go. 

Let go of his old view of who he’s been told he has to be, let go of the past, let go of how he’s always leaned on Protect Sammy as his core motto. 

Now, Sam is a good leader and he’s proven that this season. He’s moved into that role very aware that Dean might object to it, but he’s stood his ground and hasn’t simply handed over the cape, as it were, to Dean. However, Sam has also struggled with his newfound role, battling with his own search for the answers to who he is and who he wants to be.

Questions he won’t be able to answer properly until the codependency is over and done with, because Dean’s need of him over the years has become such a defining part of how Sam understands his place in the world, and what his purpose is, that Sam doesn’t know who he is without it. 

But through Dean being possessed and taken away, Sam was given the necessary foundation to remember his own independence, and he was given a clean motivation to step into the leader shoes as it was wholly tied to getting Dean back. It removed the fear of what it would mean (and the thought that it’s easier to follow than to lead) and gave Sam purpose, which makes any situation easier to face. 

He’s the born leader. We’ve gotten to see that this season. Sam has gotten to feel and experience what it’s like to lead this season. It’s a position he should embrace without fear or hesitation, but the hesitation is there, stemming from the fear in not entirely trusting himself yet.

None of these men entirely trust themselves yet, I would venture to say.

But what we’ve been given in these last couple of episodes make me feel perhaps overly positive that they will learn how to, possibly soon, and once they dare trust in themselves, because they know who they are and who they want to be, then they can all answer the question What Do I Want?

Yeah? Everything that’s happening in the narrative right now is pushing for this, to my mind. So. Let’s look at the bookends and I’ll explain why this might all be setting up for questions being answered.

14x11

1. Dean’s Got a Plan

So we get Dean packing a duffel with tools he’ll need for something unknown. He’s clearly determined and focused. (and looks like there’ll be welding) (and oh boy will there be)

He then steps out of the room and gives us a look down the hall -->

If that expression he’s wearing isn’t resignation, then I don’t know what is. It’s like he’s considering, just for a moment, to go see Cas one last time, but thinks better of it, because there’s no telling where that might lead, and he can’t afford distractions. 

So, then. 

Off he goes to see his brother, and here’s where things begin to take a turn for the highly interesting to me, because my first impression of this scene and how it plays out is this: in Dean’s behaviour is a clear cry for help. 

I’ll dig into why I think that, bear with me, but it’s a cry that ripples into 14x12. (and it’s loud)

2. Take Care, Sammy

Oh, this scene. It’s about their relationship and how they now relate to their relationship differently. 

Sam tells Dean that of course he’s trying to help, to find another way. Always. And asks if Dean’ll hop in, help out. Old patterns.

Dean’s grateful, but hesitant, breaking the news gently of how he wants to go on the road, and, for me, very much giving Sam a gentle nudge away from their old patterns into their individual new patterns by telling Sam that he wants to go have alone time with Mary.

This is all good, except for how it’s covering up the hidden agenda of self-sacrifice.

Dean’s self-destructive behaviour this time around is based in self-blame. He let Michael in, he said yes, all of this is on him, he should be the one to pay for his mistakes. Billie tells him this is the only way and, because he’s already been thinking it, it makes sense. It confirms what he already believes is the right thing. That’s the coolly logical side of his brain, right?

But here’s what I think: Dean consciously believes in what his logical brain is telling him, and that there’s no other way, but even so, he sincerely does not want to do this alone. Subconsciously, I believe it goes even deeper, into where he absolutely doesn’t want to do this, but his self-blame makes it impossible for him to outright ask for help.

How can he put that on the people he loves?

Surface level, consciously, he’s still crying out for a support network, because he doesn’t want to go to his death by himself.

Deeper level, subconsciously, what he truly needs is for that support network to step in and tell him he’s wrong, to take some of the weight off, to be a part of the decision making process, so that it’s not all on him if it goes south.

Because risking it going south through making bad choices by himself means he’d rather choose the safety of the Mal’Akh box.

So, then. He cannot ask the people he cares about to simply stand by and watch him go through with Billie’s plan, but what he truly needs, on a conscious and subconscious level, is their support. 

Here’s where this Help Me, Save Me From Myself subtext comes into play, because when Sam says -->

Dean’s expression becomes pained hesitation as he looks like he’s considering actually letting the cat out of the bag -->

--> again because what he really needs is Sam’s support in this, not just sneaking out without even telling him the truth.

But he simply cannot tell Sam what he’s about to do due to those old patterns, feeling guilt and fear in equal measure: guilt that he would have to ask Sam to assist in his death, fear that Sam might turn around and refuse and fall back on those old patterns, and Dean sees all the dangers in having anyone change his mind and balks at the mere idea.

But that support, though. That need for support is still real. And that deeper-level Fuck Someone Needs To Step In And Stop Me Because I Can’t See Any Way to Stop Myself.

Because of his awareness of his old patterns with Sam, and because of how he’s not entirely convinced Sam has broken free of them, he’s worried about the impact Sam learning of his decision will have, so what Dean has to do is make it Sam’s choices leading Sam to understand what’s going down.

Tiny bit manipulative, absolutely, but necessarily so.

And, honestly, the way the episode is set up, it even feels like Dean doesn’t want Sam to find out before he’s built the box, so that he has it to show for himself, proving that this thing that’s supposedly impossible to build, is possible to build. Billie came through with the blueprints. And if she came through on that, then why shouldn’t she be right about everything else?

Yeah?

So, what does he do, then?

He gives the first real sign that something is truly wrong.

I say he does it in the hopes that Sam will pick up on it and act on it -->

I mean, the dialogue alone! If that’s not cause for concern, then Sam has not been through hell and more with his big brother. But he has. So there is real cause. And Sam immediately highlights it to anyone not noticing it by putting it in dialogue when he calls Mary, telling her all about how worried he is and what them hugging stands for.

Things are really bad, indeed.

We get Dean’s needed support network shown being just as concerned as they should be, picking up on his signals along the way. The most glaring one, of course, being Dean choosing to build the Mal’Akh box in the near proximity of his clever, inquisitive hunter mother.

This is not someone who wants his activities to go unnoticed. Seriously.

3. Mal’Akh 

The emotional threads that are set up in the opening are then tied up in the closing, which has a precursor in Mary telling Dean off for keeping his decision from Sam, and where she takes responsibility on herself for Sam learning the truth, because if Dean doesn’t tell him - she will. 

The relief!! ^^^

Where we open on images of Dean packing up the tools needed to literally put himself in a box (I mean I’ve said it before, but I’ll say it again: what I see here is a commentary on what societal pressure does to you and it makes my heart sing) (little boxes on the hillside), we now land in the image of that box being completed -->

Nice. Visual. Bookend. MH!

The packing up of the tools that led into the Take Care, Sammy exchange brings us into finishing the episode with this bookend exchange between the brothers, and it is lovely. 

And so is the dialogue, because Dean lays it all on the table, and the biggest callback to the opening scene is this:

Dean: I didn’t have a choice. Sam, you’re the last person I could tell, the last person I could be around, because you’re the only one who could talk me out of it. And I won’t be talked out of it. I won’t. I’m doing this. Now, you can either let me do it alone, or you could help me. But I’m doing this. 

Dean’s gentle nudging from the opening scene now becomes a statement.

His testing of Sam letting him go off on this road trip, to have some alone time with mom, becomes Dean, not in so many words, calling out their pattern of interference.

He’s not stating it, but the subtext here is: the codependent guilt-tripping is unhealthy and I can’t have you using it to emotionally manipulate me out of my duty.

He even further makes the case for himself by first giving Sam no way around the stakes here: according to the all-seeing Billie - aka Death - the only way to beat Michael and save the world is if Dean does exactly this.

So he will not be talked out of it. 

And he doesn’t need to be dropped to the bottom of the ocean with Sam’s refusal to understand and the guilt that would produce weighing on him.

He phrases it so delicately when he says Now, you can either let me do it alone, or you could help me.

See, he makes that request now, because he’s finally in a good position, where it’s not about their codependent behaviour, but rather about breaking it. He’s asking Sam for his help, for his support, plain and simple.

Now, as I said, I think that Dean believes, consciously, he has to do this, right? So he’s pushing through and is underlining how talking him out of it - or even trying to - is not gonna fly.

But, oh, man, remember subconsciously? Yeah. Deep down, somewhere that he’s not even consciously aware of, because this side to him - the side that wants to live - has been too deeply repressed, but this subconscious side to him does not want to do this, and I’d go so far as to say that this side to him is actually hoping for the intervention that is laid on him in 14x12.

So, let’s press on -->

14x12

--> with two pieces of dialogue.

We get the opening of this episode being all to do with Dean’s fear. He’s having a nightmare of being at the bottom of the ocean, the box is about to start taking in water, once it fills - his body will die, which means Michael will get free of the freezer and will revive him, right? And that’s what Sam is about to hit on, clarifying Dean’s fear in dialogue. But, of course, there’s so much more.

Let’s look closer at the First Exchange -->

Dean: It’s just—... Bad dream. It’s fine. Sam: You wanna talk about it? Dean: No, I’m okay. What’re you doing? You should get some sleep. Sam: You know, Dean, you don’t have to act like what you’re planning to do is just business as usual. I know you’re scared. Dean: Never said I wasn’t scared. But it doesn’t matter. Sam: Doesn’t matter? Dean, we know we could die - doing what we do it’s always a possibility - but what you’re talking about is far worse than death. Michael’s an archangel. He could, literally, keep you buried in a coffin, alive, forever. Dean: Okay. I get it. But what’s the other option, huh? Michael gets out of my head and ends the world? ‘Cause it’s all right there in Billie’s book. Sam: Yeah, but that’s only if we don’t find another way to take Michael off the board and there has to be another way.  Dean: And what is that other way? Exactly.

This first piece of dialogue is so important for setting up the emotional journey for both brothers this episode. 

Sam knows exactly what this plan means for Dean. More than that, he knows Dean’s scared. Sam’s scared for him. This whole thing is crazy. It’s not run-of-the-mill, it’s not their normal gig, it’s enormous and overwhelming and horrifying. It’s the possible end of the world, as Dean points out.

And Dean can’t talk about this stuff with Sam, because he doesn’t want to put that burden on his brother. He never has. Because Sam’s more than just a brother, he’s a son, he’s Dean’s charge, his responsibility, and he’s always protected him, so Dean’s not going to weaken in his resolve.

But this entire episode is about weakening his resolve, and even more it’s about showing us exactly what Dean needs for his resolve to weaken.

Which, very quickly, is stated to be Cas and Sam intervening. Cas being imperative, which is why it’s so important that he actually show’s up in person at the hospital.

 Aw, it’s so purdy!!

But this is about the codependency, so I’m putting Cas somewhere on the sideline for this post. *sorry Cas* *you’re very important* *never doubt*

Here’s the Second Exchange -->

Dean: Where’s the party? Sam: It’s right here. I mean, we’re celebrating, right? Dean: Okay. Sam: But not too much! Tomorrow morning we’re back on track. No rest for the self-destructive. Dean: Well, I will call this a win. Kinda nice - going out on a high. Sam: Going out being the operative phrase. Dean: I’m sorry. Sam: “Sorry.” How sorry are you? Sorry that you plan to keep Donatello alive, but when it comes to you you just throw in the towel? Or are you sorry that after all these years, our entire lives, after I’ve looked up to you, after I’ve learned form you, I’ve copied you, I followed you to Hell and back, are you sorry that all of that, it means nothing now. Dean: Who’s saying that? Sam: You are. I mean, you’re telling me I have to kill you. I mean, you’re telling me that I have to just throw away everything we stand for. Throw away faith. Throw away family. We’re the guys who save the world, we don’t just check out of it.  Dean: Sam, I have tried everything. Everything. I got one card left to play, and I have to play it. Sam: You have one card today, but we’ll find another tomorrow, but if you quit on us today, there will be no tomorrow. You tell me you don’t know what else to do, I don’t either, Dean, not yet, but what you’re doing now, it’s wrong. It’s quitting! I mean, look what just happened. Donatello never quit fighting so we could help him because he never gave up. I believe in us, Dean. I believe in us! Why don’t you believe in us too? Dean: Okay, Sam. Let’s go home. Sam: What? Dean: Let’s go home. Maybe Billie’s wrong. Maybe. But I do believe in us. (Cas exits, joins them) I believe in all of us. And I’ll keep believing until I can’t. Until there’s absolutely no other way. But when that day comes— if that day comes, Sam, you have to take it for what it is: the end. And you have to promise me that you’ll do then what you can’t do now, and that’s let me go. And put me in that box. (to Cas) You too. Alright, you heard me, let’s go home. Don’t hit me again, okay?

There’s so much here. This is the culmination of these past two episodes, with Sam’s need to have this confrontation, to feel like Dean believes in them, in him, being reflected in so many moments that’s come before throughout the series, where Sam’s let Dean dictate the conditions of their communication, or draw a line for when and how he feels ready to open up to Sam prodding him.

Sam very nearly manages what he sets out to do here, too - wake Dean from his fatalistic attitude - but he doesn’t quite get through (unless it’s pushed further faster than how it’s setup here, of course) because Dean is very, very far gone at this point, and he relents to Sam because what else can he do.

Only lookit, because beauty:

everything set up in 14x11 with regards to Dean’s internal need is also brought to a culmination here

he has convinced himself that all he truly wants from his brother is his superficial support

but what he really needs is exactly this intervention - from both Sam and Cas - telling him that there will be another way, that he can’t give up

consciously Dean has convinced himself he has to go in that box, because he fears what confronting Michael will actually mean

subconsciously Dean doesn’t want to go in that box, because deep down he longs for a long and happy life and he understands the only way to get it is by confronting Michael

It’s the end of the world as we know it. (possibly)

As for the codependency, the moving away from it that we get from Dean, where there’s an undercurrent of awareness and him trying to break their well-worn pattern, is underlined by the final scene of 14x11.

But here, we get Sam doing exactly what Dean has tried so hard to avoid. We get Sam falling back in that same pattern, unable to let go. Jared’s delivery of that “Why don’t you believe in us too?” after grabbing Dean and holding onto him, for real, makes me cry every time I watch it. It’s so poignant. And it’s such a stark highlighter of what it is Sam truly needs in order to grow up and be his own person: to let go of Dean. (his father figure)

And Dean, he looks so defeated. He can’t possibly say no to Sam, and he feared this was where they’d end up, and he realises that Sam isn’t ready. But Dean knows that Sam will, most likely, need to ready himself.

And here’s the zinger - even if Dean doesn’t end up in that box, this is still possibly and hopefully an important direction marker for Sam for the rest of the season. 

Where do we want Sam to end up? We want him to be able to let Dean go, we want him to stand on his own two feet, strong in his own identity, one that’s completely separated from Dean.

This doesn't mean they won’t be brothers who love each other very much and work together, it just means that Sam’s fear of what it means for Dean to be gone will be removed, because Sam will know who he is without Dean, and, more importantly, who he wants to be.

[orionsangel86]

Episode Review - 14x01 - Want, Everything, Sunshine, and Beyonce

Hellatus is over everyone! Put away the crack memes and shit posts and bring out your meta caps because we are back in business! Oh boy are we back in business! 

Right before @tinkdw came over to watch the premier with me, we discussed our expectations and both agreed that whilst our expectations were pretty much in our boots, we would consider the episode a success if it was even remotely meta. We wanted to be able to see clearly constructed themes both as a continuation of what had come previously and as a foundation for a strong season going forward. We were both hoping that at least from a meta perspective, that the episode would leave us happy and thirsting for more.

Dabb did not disappoint us.

It was such a strong episode meta-wise. There is a lot to pick apart that is ripe for discussion and I seriously hope that Dabb will keep a close eye on the other writers to ensure that these themes continue throughout the season. Plot-wise it was a weaker episode, but then again Dabb has always focused on the character emotional arcs more than the actual plot points in recent years, and I am grateful for that. The second half of season 13 felt stagnant to me simply because there was little to no character development and from a meta perspective it was also extremely weak. I went into this hellatus feeling negative about the show simply because I hadn’t actually enjoyed an episode properly since 13x12. However, the season 14 opener was most definitely enough to quench my thirst and get me excited for the coming season. Fingers crossed it goes from strength to strength.

Long review under the cut

Michael!Dean - What Do You Want

Straight in after the introductory Nyoooom of Baby (driven by a grim looking Sam and a pretty impressive swap from title music to diegetic music), we are introduced to the angel of the hour. 

8 Things about Michael:

1. I am not sure how I feel about Jensen’s performance right now. He is playing Michael extremely straight and whilst I can see how this cold, calm portrayal can come across quite terrifying, it’s not a carry over from Christian Key’s performance. I don’t want to be too critical, because we only saw him in a few scenes so far, but when I compare it to how Tahmoh portrayed Gadreel alongside Jared, and the way Misha pretty much nailed Mark P’s performance (and greatly improved it), I guess I’m still waiting for Jensen to WOW me in the role. The one thing I will say is that he did terrify me and managed to come across creepy when acting alongside his own WIFE. So he's doing something right I'll give him that. When Jensen wants to have chemistry with someone, he does.

2. I like the fact that Michael’s goal right now seems to be to educate himself on our world. He’s not running around causing terror and mayhem like Lucifer, he’s learning how best to go about “improving” the world. He also appears to be inspiring people with his words: “Holy men, leaders, killers” and we have seen the effect he had already on Kip the Demon - who was inspired to run for King of Hell until Sam Fucking Winchester ruined that plan. I wonder if we will be seeing the fallout of Michael’s specific type of inspiration throughout the season.

3. “What do you want?” Obviously this question is an important one. It was repeated like six times throughout the episode, though never to the main characters. It looks like this is going to be the theme of the season and as far as TFW’s personal journey’s go, this is now the question we are asking them and the question being explored. What does Sam want? Or Cas? Or Dean? This has an endgame flavour to it that has me extremely excited. 

4.Michael’s own personal want of “A better world” is a follow on in a way of many of the villains that have come before him. For seasons now we have been exploring this concept of improving the world for the better. We had it first in season 8 when the brothers had the goal to do the trials to make a world without demons, in season 11 Amara’s vision was to destroy so she could reshape the world to her own blueprints that she saw as better than Chuck’s. Dabb era has been even more obvious, first with the goal of the British Men of Letters being “a world without monsters” which was shared by Mary wanting a better world for her boys, and then in season 13 Jack’s arrival floated the idea of “paradise world” to Castiel. I don’t think Michael is gonna fair any better than any of these others, and wonder exactly where all these escalated versions of “a better world” will end up. It's all exploring the notion that nothing is black and white, but in fact a grey area.

5. I already discussed Michael and Sister Jo here. Cas mirrors... Cas mirrors everywhere... I also side eye the "pretty things" line because it reaks of Dean and his whole sublimation thing. In that sense it seems Dabb is making Jo a mirror for both our boys. I'll be keeping a close eye on her from now on.

6. ”Why would he say yes to you?” “Love”. OH DEAN. Just, Dean wasn’t in this episode but my god did we feel his presence RIGHT HERE. And to think there are people out there that still think this is a macho mans show about macho manly men. I’ve never known another character with more heart than Dean Winchester. This show is about LOVE above all things. I wish people would stop trying to deny that fact.

7. Radioactive Pigeon:

Look I’m not trying to be critical okay it’s very pretty and this is the FIRST time they have attempted showing an angels true form and that is amazeballs and all, but still. He has little pigeon wings and a bent halo. Pfft.

8. The Purity of Vampires. I actually love this. I think it comes across a bit silly on the surface, but the whole idea of monsters being pure is a massive callback to purgatory and season 8 and anything that calls back to season 8 makes me happy. 

Sam Fucking Winchester

Excuse me while I scream HELL YES. I have been waiting for Sam to take on the leadership role for AGES. Honestly this was always my dream endgame for Sam. To organise and lead the hunting community. There’s your better world guys. It was something that the writers flirted with in late season 12, but at the time Sam only took on the position with Dean’s approval and encouragement to go ahead. Sam has always stepped back and let Dean take the lead throughout the show as the big brother and parental figure. I think this was always a role he was destined to fill and something that has been building in the subtext for a long time (much the same way as the toxic codependency has been shown to hold Sam back.) 

What’s of interest here is what will happen when Dean comes back and is fighting fit. Will Sam relinquish his leadership position to Dean? Or fight for it? Will this cause conflict? I read this amazing meta on this which turned into an epic discussion and I highly recommend reading it. My HEART.

Sam’s state in the episode is one of constant motion. He cannot stop for a second, always being pulled from one thing to another. He doesn’t sleep, he doesn’t get to change out of his hideous blue and orange shirt (which is officially now my favourite Sam shirt), he doesn’t even get to finish his soup. I know Jared said that Sam had a ‘grief beard’ but Tink and I are adamant that the beard is simply due to the fact that Sam doesn’t get the time to shave. He has taken so much weight on his shoulders and in amongst that has to deal with horribly traumatic things such as face the face of his abuser and actually be a healer to him. Sam doesn't get a moment to himself and spends all his time concerned about others. It's very noble of him, but he's going through the motions.

Sam is the contrast here to both Cas and Dean, who are physically and mentally stuck in their awful situations. Sam is also stuck in a way, stuck with no time to actually contemplate the situation he has got himself in. Stuck without a moment to breath, or to grieve his brother. Stuck holding the weight of the world on his shoulders as every other single character looks to him for support, help and guidance. Sam is the motherfucking Beyonce of the episode, that is for certain.

He is also calling the shots on hell now...

(x)

... I find it amusing that back in the early days Sam's destiny was to be the boy king of hell, and it's almost like he's fulfilled that destiny, not by being king, but by being gatekeeper and in a position powerful enough to scare the demons into submission. This is probably what Crowley intended. Sam probably owns the moon now.

About Nick - Well, first of all, I TOLD YOU SO. I did say that I could tell the guy from the back of his head and I was damn right about that. Learn to trust me guys I am occasionally good at this stuff. Okay, now that that is out of my system, let’s talk about this. Round of applause for Jared in this scene. Because he takes Sam’s hell trauma extremely seriously and made sure that every nuance, every twitch, was picked up by those camera’s. I loved that. Potentially Nick could be a good way to help Sam heal in the coming season, as Sam has finally freed himself from Lucifer’s grasp. Is it fair that he should have to look after the face that tormented him for years? No. Not at all, but could it prove somewhat cathartic in the end? Maybe. 

At the end of the day, Dabb must have considered Nick to have a purpose beyond “I want to give Bucklemming something to play with so they don’t fuck up my actual story” and “We need to keep stroking Mark P’s ego for some stupid reason”. Because otherwise I am really worried about how limited his power must be, and refuse to entertain the thought that he was overthrown by Singer and his horrid wife. I can see the potential in Nick being a dark mirror for Dean following his freedom from Michael’s possession. How Nick deals with the post possession trauma could be an indicator to how Dean is really coping even when he buries it.

At the same time, both Sam and Cas have been possessed by Lucifer, and therefore have all the experience between them to help Dean’s recovery without needing Nick to get involved. So I dunno guys. I’m trying to see the positive in something I otherwise despise. 

Anyway I thought Jared was fucking superb in that scene and pretty much the whole episode and want to give him a round of applause because it is rare that he truly gets to shine on his own without Jensen by his side.

Now all we need is for Sam to get some sleep. How he is still functioning by the episodes end I will never understand.

Castiel Everything Winchester

(x)

Look at him. So defiant and done. You can almost imagine that fire behind him burning in his eyes as well. He’s such a dom.

Several things about Cas in 14x01:

1. He is 100% done with every demon on the planet and doesn’t give a fuck. Honestly though. The way he says “Oh God” when Kip walks in. The way he rolls his eyes. I wonder if he had Dean’s voice in his head saying “You know who wears sunglasses indoors Cas? Douchebags.” 

2. He is making desperate choices in order to save Dean, which is certainly typical for him. The fact that he spends the entire episode stuck in a chair is a fantastic metaphor for his whole feelings on the situation, a metaphor then reinforced through a mirror at the end when he speaks with Jack (we never get anything explicit with Cas do we?). The fact that Cas can’t save Dean right now is weighing on him, but he is determined to do whatever it takes. The conversation he has with Sam at the end is a brilliantly short but important moment:

“I should never have gone to those demons”

“Cas no I don’t blame you. honestly I wish I had thought of it first. If it meant finding Dean I’d work with.. I’d do anything.”

The takeaway here is that actions speak louder than words. Sam HAS been distracted being leader of the hunters and having to face his own nightmares thanks to Nick, but Cas has literally been doing anything he can with a soul focus on saving Dean. 

It's an intimate moment between them. In a bunker now bustling with life and movement this is the only time in the episode that it really seems still. The library has always been Sam's private space, where he feels most at home - like the kitchen is for Dean. But here he and Cas sit as equals together weighed down by their shared grief. It's the soft moments like this that I love the most about this show. They are both willing to do anything they can, but the difference is that whilst Sam is being pulled in lots of different directions, Cas’s sole focus is Dean. Note that heaven wasn’t mentioned once. It hasn’t even crossed his mind.

3. Everyone Knows, but Cas doesn’t give a shit. 

“How is it you lost Dean, I thought you guys were joined at the... well you know, everything.”

It is an extremely explicit nod to Destiel. It is also the first time a line like this has made it into an episode since season 7 I think. The difference now being that we’ve had years of steady subtext and narrative building on the love story, hence the line has a different weight to those previously. It was very carefully written, careful not to imply that Cas was joined to BOTH Winchesters as the line was specifically about Dean. It was written by the showrunner, who would have known the significance of such a line, it encourages the view that all of heaven and hell have made their own assumptions about Dean and Cas’s relationship, and in case anyone wants to argue that the missing word was “hip” like the saying goes, the gesture and nod by Kip goes to prove otherwise. In other words, there is no platonic interpretation. Which is delightful.

Cas’s completely stoic silence is even more delightful. God I love him.

4. He can’t see demons true faces anymore. Like everyone else, Cas not realising those people were demons really threw me for a moment. Tink and I both agreed that the scene should have had Kip snap his fingers and have the demons smoke in and possess all those people instead - still catching Cas off guard but not making it seem like he is just super unobservant. I personally feel like this was just an error Dabb made. I have no desire to try to meta explain that one and I accept it as the error it is. I do like that it took an entire room of demons and 4 sets of enochian hand cuffs to overpower him though...The fact that he had to sit there and watch his family be beaten and almost killed around him whilst he was helpless again, is an excellent parallel to Dean’s current situation and what he will most likely have to face in the coming episodes, and also a reflection of Cas’s mental state (as mentioned above), Coming out of this episode it seems like this will be another season where Cas and Dean mirror each other and walk similar paths in terms of growth and development - if only those paths would meet with a kiss!

5. He’s the bait. Tink found this line hilarious straight away, where as I had to blink and ask why because I obviously took offence. But once we started discussing it and realised the quadruple entendre it is I found myself applauding Dabb on his genius. Cas IS used as bait, by the SPN PR people. Because he’s Mister Popularity. He’s also the character who causes the most conflict in fandom, with those who love him so much they are bitter and mean and those who simply hate him often complaining about the exact same things but in different ways - leaving the regular fans stuck in the middle (Tink explained this to me with delight - how both anti’s and bitter!cas girls alike will latch onto that line for completely different reasons). He’s also potentially a queerbait depending on how you look at it. But anyway. Cas’s epic eye rolls in this episode were almost enough to rival Sam’s bitchfaces. I am impressed.

6. He takes no pleasure for himself. I am forever going to obsess over Cas’s relationship with human food and drink:

“Coffee has no effect on me.”

“Me either, not anymore. But its like with saltwater taffee or infants, you know I just like the taste”

Although we can argue his refusal is out of stubbornness to not give the demon the satisfaction, even when accepting drinks from the Winchesters he doesn’t usually bother, or will stick with water. Even if he is seen ordering coffee it is usually only to avoid looking suspicious in diners. We know Cas enjoys some food and drink, but Cas rarely allows himself the pleasure. Even in 13x14 when Dean offered him a beer, it remained unopened. A symbolic metaphor for Cas refraining from indulging in other pleasures? This is why I am so so desperate for Michael to ask Cas what it is HE wants. Lucifer stated that Cas was a “pleasureless dullard” and I want to see this theme continue. Cas uses his grace as an excuse not to indulge and I consider this linked to meta about the “sacred oath” of heaven and Cas being duty bound and numbed by his grace. But these are all elements for a bigger meta at another time and the moment in this episode is just another snippet of that.

7. He looks awesome framed in fire. I just really liked the set up of Motown Meats as the new hang out for hell, with its fire pit and orange glowy bar. There is a lot of general symbolism there but I enjoyed the flames framed behind Cas in every shot he was in. Because even though he was mostly stuck in this episode, that fire raging inside him didn’t burn out once. He WILL save Dean. Just as he promised to Jack at the end, even if he get’s battered, beaten and bruised, his determined stubborness to save his husband will win eventually. Cas is no longer the broken thing of seasons 11/12. He well and truly rose like a phoenix in season 13 and now it’s showing through, as it’s a mission fueled by his own passion and love.

Jack Winchester (AKA my nougat son)

Poor Jack, like his father he hasn't had it easy in 14x01. He is struggling with his humanity now, his usefulness, in such a clear mirror to Cas that it kinda hits you in the face. He is desperately seeking guidance from those around him. First in the form of AU Bobby who has clearly bonded with Jack following their experiences together in apocalypse world.

It is great to finally see the Bunker gym! A room we all have ingrained in our fandom hive mind thanks to a 100 destiel fanfics. We all know what's gone on in there. >.>

Throughout the episode, Jack seeks out guidance first with Bobby, which goes badly, then with Sam, which is interrupted, and finally with Cas, which is when he finally gets told what he needs to hear. I am really happy that whilst Jack has so many father figures now, it is Cas who truly holds that torch and is able at least somewhat give Jack what he needs near the episodes end. If only he had damn well given his son a hug!

I loved the conversation so much that I transcripted it here:

JACK: I’m fine.

CAS: You did well

JACK: All I did was get punched. In the face

CAS: To be fair we all got punched in the face

JACK: That’s not - Before when I had my powers I could have done something

CAS: Jack you don’t have your powers, and your grace should regenerate in time, but until then..

JACK: I’m useless. I cant kill demons I cant find Dean and Michael is in our world and I cant stop him.

I can’t do anything. I don’t have anything.

CAS: Oh Jack. That’s just not true. You’ve got me. You have all of us. You have your family.

And we are going to find dean and we are going to beat Michael and we are going to do it together. Because that’s what we do.

This whole conversation was PERFECT. Every line chosen so specifically and weighted with meaning. Urgh Dabb I fucking love you for this.

Jack starts with “I’m fine” which Cas knows by now means you are not fine but he has also learned to recognise that sometimes it doesn’t mean “leave me alone” as Jack was crying out for guidance and support here. 

The mirrored “got punched in the face” calls to attention the fact that Jack is a reflection of Cas himself here and everything he has felt both now and in the past.

Jack’s complaint about being useless without his powers is a fear Cas has carried with him since his fall in season 9. It’s something that still weighs on him and whilst Cas now knows his place by the Winchester’s side, knows that they are a family and that he is not just a hammer, I think that fear of losing his power and being cast out is still well and truly weighing him down. It will be cathartic for Cas to see the family accept Jack as one of their own even if he is “useless” and human. 

Cas’s “That’s just not true” when Jack says he is useless - his voice breaks and you KNOW Cas has had those exact same thoughts.

“you’ve got me, you’ve got all of us. You have your family” compared to You’re my family, I love you, I love all of you” compared to “We're family. We need you. I need you.” The difference is there is no ambiguity in the word ME. Dabb turned it around, but had Cas clear it up. It���s the same line every time. The only difference is the placement of each individual statement. If this isn’t yet another clear example that the “I love you” was specifically directed at Dean I don’t know what is. THIS IS A CONTINUING PATTERN PEOPLE.

The determined promise to save Dean at the end, right after he specifies the singular and plural because obviously Dean was on Cas’s mind at that point - Mister I Don’t Get Words Wrong over here knows exactly what he means.

I love this whole conversation, but as I said above, it drums home the fact that whilst the Winchesters and others may be sources of guidance and support for Jack, he only has one true father, and I think Dabb wanted to make that clear in this episode. Remember:

Fingers crossed for more father/son bonding between these two in future episodes.

Mary and Bobby

(x)

Baring in mind I was expecting 1 small Destiel moment in the episode in the form of a line from a demon. You have NO IDEA how happy this moment between Mary and Bobby made me. If anyone saw that inktober pic I drew for premier day of me and Tink gasping in shock at the screen, it was for THIS moment. My face lit up in delight.

I said at the start of this long review that Dabb picked his moments well. With every second counting from a meta perspective. This was one of those.

Tell me, anyone, when watching that moment, would you deny that there was something between Bobby and Mary? As homework I'd like you all to play this scene to your heteronormative friends and family, or even be brave and ask a bibro. Would ANYONE deny that it was intended to be romantic?! I highly doubt it.

And yet there was nothing textually explicitly romantic about it. There was NOTHING in this scene that hasn’t been filmed a thousand times between Dean and Cas. The fact that Dabb chose to write this extremely small seemingly unimportant moment, in the kitchen, and for Bobby to use THOSE EXACT WORDS. As I have mentioned several times already, Dabb doesn’t fuck around when using well known moments from past canon in order to reinforce the importance of a thing. Dabb LOVES parallels. He wrote Bloodlines after all. He also knows the fandom hive mind and the things we pick up on and latch on to. This was a very smart calculated decision to include this in the episode and I am LIVING that he did it. GIVE ME ALL THE BOBBY x MARY/ DESTIEL PARALLELS. 

...

I actually really liked Mary in this episode. There is so much discourse in fandom about her and whilst I find Sam Smith pretty cold and wooden, I have never understood the utter hatred of Mary as a character. Hence why I praise Dabb’s genius at this moment:

(x)

Because this line literally sums up her entire arc since her return. Tink and I paused the episode and basically flailed at each other because this is EXACTLY what Mary has been trying to do. She was in HEAVEN, with her BABIES and suddenly she is back on earth with two grown men who are strangers to her, telling her they are hunters and have suffered a life of HORRORS without her. So she ran. Hell, I would have ran too. She shoved herself into hunting because all she could think about was trying to make things GOOD for her boys. Trying to FIX her mistakes the only way she knew how: by HUNTING. She was drowning in the bad. So she found focus in trying to make things good. Like in this episode, she reassures Sam so much that he snaps at her. He doesn’t want to be reassured, and that’s fine. But my god this felt like the first time Mary has truly had a voice. I really weren’t kidding when I said that Dabb made sure every word counted.

OTHER THINGS

I am unsure how I feel about the title card:

Tink called it. I think it looks a bit odd, a bit too clean. I like the title cards to be grim and dark. Black angel wings though! And hey, at least the fiery halos in the title cards are perfectly spherical... so we know they CAN do it right...

*side eyes SFX team*

Kip as a wannabe Crowley was kinda fun for a one off episode but I am glad that they are stressing now that wannabe Crowley’s get killed. The last one we had was Bart in 13x08 who was very much the same flirtatious queer coded demon. I’m fed up with the villainous queer coding by now. It’s been done too often. Give me another Demon like Alastair or Ramiel or none at all.

“Asmodeus Kentucky Fried” DID ANYONE LIKE ASMODEUS OTHER THAN BUCKLEMMING? This made me LOL.

The fight scene at the end was really weird and overly long. I dunno why they decided on so many random slow mo and wooosh shots. the whole Mary slow mo throwing the blade at Sam was cringy. I wish they’d stop being experimental and stick with what they know! You think they’d learn after 13x23!

Maggie was a bit annoying. Why bring her along if she can’t fight? Also the random cuts to her reaction after Jack was angsty had me reeling. simply because in het couples that’s a brewing romance and that is a massive NOPE from me. I like her as an individual character, I DO NOT like her as a love interest to a 1 year old, and I certainly wouldn’t like some pining story for her where she falls for an unavailable guy. It’s not fair on her character. The one thing I did like was the “pointy end” comment. It reminded me of Charlie for some reason.

The throw away line about Ketch being in London looking for the golden egg Lucifer/president extractor. Nice closing of a plot hole there Dabb.

I liked the Jesus weapon expert hunter dude. He seemed quirky. Dead man’s blood bullets are an excellent idea. 

DETROIT. Why does everything always happen in Detroit? I swear one day they are gonna reveal that Detroit is like a central universal power hub where the walls between the dimensions are thinnest or something. I could go on about this but I am sure a better meta writer elsewhere already has and this is waaay too long so I’m leaving this here.

If you got this far. Kudos and thank you for sticking around to read my thoughts. Feel free to ask me anything about any of the above. If I could hand out cookies through the internet I totally would right now.

Basically I enjoyed the episode. I have since re-watched it a dozen times and it is really the meta of it all that makes me love it. The story IS weak, and there ARE moments that are a bit odd, or infuriating depending on the way you look at it, but the heart of the episode was classic Dabb. All character driven and full of meaning. I am extremely well fed after this meta feast, perhaps even enough to get me through the horror show that will be Bucklemming’s 14x02. 

So long as Cas continues to look like a sexy beast I’m sure I’ll get through it.

I’ll just leave this here:

God he’s such a dom. :P

[zinecuntroll]

3 decades of Queer Women making Herstory through Music

Written for Pink Washed Zine issue #3

by Raquel Silva aka Raquel Smith-Cave

             I turned 30 this year, more precisely last August and it’s also been 12 years since I had my first girlfriend. When I started thinking about my queerness more seriously back in 2005/2006 I quickly realized how it wasn’t that usual for girls to be fascinated by Linda Perry in boxer shorts and combat boots like I was at 5 years old. My mom says 4 Non Blondes “What’s up” was my favorite song back then and she even bought the CD so I could listen to it on repeat and not just wait for the video to magically appear on the TV. Thanks Ma!

              Through my teenage years I had “Baby Can I Hold You” by Tracy Chapman constantly playing in my head. Mind you, I always have a song in my mind and I burst into singing at the most unexpected times, it’s mostly an unconscious act which can be embarrassing in front of people who don’t know me well. Honestly I  don’t care much, it’s just a part of my nature and if I’m not murmuring or humming some melody it usually means there’s something wrong. So at around 15/16 I remember starting to sing the chorus for “But you can say baby…” out of nowhere in school breaks or while walking home. This happened constantly and exactly why my brain was stuck with this melody was a complete mystery to me. Maybe I heard it in passing or on the radio…? I could never find the answer but I did buy Tracy’s self-titled vinyl this year during Record Store Day and discovered it was released exactly 30 years ago. It’s a precious record, her voice is warm and familiar and her guitar is so soothing to the soul. I think I finally answered my teenage self on all that musical haunting.

             Cássia Eller is a Brazilian artist who made the 90s a really wholesome, magical, golden time for every lesbian in love with husky voices. Her hit song “Malandragem” was part of this series called Malhação but I only found out she was the mystical singer behind that iconic childhood tune years after listening to it on the show. She tragically died in 2001 and even after that she still created major impact in society, when her longtime girlfriend won custody of their son, after battling against Cássia’s father who had never cared about his daughter until money was involved. Cássia was a shy person who became a complete lion on stage. Humble and almost too pure to handle the hype. She just wanted to sing to people and exorcise her demons while making others happy. Which she did and so much more. Her legacy is tremendous, as it still resonates with so many of us today and the world hasn’t really witnessed anyone quite as ingenious as her ever since.

               It’s 2007 and I’m watching a live concert in a Portuguese music festival on TV featuring a wild ass singer with the screaming voice of my wildest grrrl dreams. It’s The Gossip! And Beth Ditto is rolling around the stage, singing her lungs out in front of a pretty chill crowd. I wanted to BE THERE. I probably discovered Gossip’s music through CSS who I was obsessed with at the time or probably from watching The L Word. The truth is: the more intrigued I was by the words of this fat, dyke, goddess the more comfortable I felt about my own identity. I was fat for most of my childhood and got bullied for it on a regular basis, just part of being in an all-girls catholic school life I guess. At 13 someone called me “Fufa” which is basically “Dyke” in Portuguese and it was the most traumatic experience ever. Years later I wish I could have thanked the girl who bullied me out of a closet I wasn’t even aware I was in. I don’t believe I was ever in the closet though. Honestly, falling in love with a girl was just as natural as having crushes on boys. It was just another question I had finally found an answer for. Beth Ditto’s pride in her queerness and blatant attraction to butch people while being a proud femme, fat, dyke made me feel represented in a way I hadn’t seen myself before and ok with my own desires. Ditto!

                The first glance of The L Word I watched I didn’t really enjoyed. The image was dark and the plot seemed so tragic. It was Jenny somewhere in the first season. After one year I finally watched the whole 2 or 3 seasons that were out by then. Tegan and Sara play in one episode and are featured in the soundtrack, which I still go back to sometimes to remember really great tunes. What a blessing to have Tegan and Sara guide you through your first acid trip and “coming out of that closet” am I right Dana? (RIP) My love affair with Canadian people started right there with Tegan’s goofiness and Sara’s witty remarks. By 2007 “The Con” came out and became a staple to the LBGTQ+ community. So much so that the band released a special covers album last year, with many queer artists recreating those magnificent songs. In the records that followed their sound was purposefully re directed to more pop melodies which I couldn’t relate to anymore. They did make good use of their huge platform by launching the Tegan and Sara foundation, which fights for LGBTQ girls and women all over the world with the help of some amazing queer people.

                 The other tiny Canadian who owns my heart is Ellen Page. Ever since Juno, my gaydar was just screaming out loud in every direction possible and I’m so happy that she is now able to be herself freely. Just like Juno, my musical top 3 included Patti Smith and Iggy Pop… but not The Runaways. For me it’s actually Nick Cave. I never gave too much attention to The Runaways, though I knew about Joan Jett and her extremely queer badass persona from being a teenager obsessed with punk rock and riot grrrl herstory. Until Kristen Stewart got cast to play Joan for The Runaways movie and I finally listened to their 70s records. I fell in love with Kristen and Dakota’s version of “Dead End Justice” as well as the original. Gaystew was born to play that part. Just last week I saw Bad Reputation, a documentary about Joan’s life with lots of awesome people speaking about how incredible she is, as both a pioneer for women in rock’n roll and an advocate for human and animal rights. At 60 she’s still rocking the fuck out of leather pants, inspiring kids to start bands, making everyone smitten by her confidence and flipping the finger to the all the hypocritical social definitions of gender, sex and music.

                It’s really difficult to write about Janelle Monáe. Not because I don’t have words but mostly because I have too many. Janelle caught my eye and ears with “Tightrope” where she’s prancing around wearing her uniform, as she proudly used to talk about her suit, an homage to her working class parents and Kansas City upbringing. I saw her live at the end of 2010, at a winter festival, where all my other friends went on to watch Sting’s daughter I Blame Coco and I stood front row waiting for Janelle. It was life changing. She danced, jumped, screamed and even painted something into a blank canvas throughout the whole set. Her band was impeccably orchestrated and the show was extremely cinematic, since many of Janelle’s inspirations are from sci-fi movies. Her music is layered and complex just like her personality. Over the years she has been extremely mysterious, one of the things I appreciated the most about her. This year that changed. After much speculation in the media, she said in an interview she’s pansexual, as someone who has had relationships with men and women, that’s how she identifies more comfortably. Above all she’s an artist with a very specific vision and talent, carving the path for Afrofuturism; to create space for black people but especially queer POC to conquer over the systematic racism, lack of opportunities and prejudice in our society. Her new record “Dirty Computer” is the materialization of that evolution, the most “Janelle” album ever. Covering everything from sexual freedom to political issues while using a pop funky beat. Reminiscing one of her heroes, Prince, who became a friend and mentor before passing away in 2016. And all I want for 2019 is to be in the same room as Janelle and take on another voyage dans la lune with all the other androids.

                 Annie Clark has also played around with the idea of being an alien or a cyborg, especially on her self-titled album from 2014. That’s when I saw her live for the time and I had to give into my friend’s obsession with her music. Last year St. Vincent released “Masseduction”, an almost perfect record, in my opinion. The song with the same title is most definitely an anthem for our generation “I can’t turn off what turns me on…” and after a long relationship with model/actress Cara Delevingne or that summer fling with Kristen Stewart, it was clear, Annie is queer. (Pun so intended) While songs like “New York” or “Los Ageless” can be associated to both of those relationships, Annie’s talent as an exquisite guitar player, fearless innovative sounds and unique live shows, have made her the intergalactic rock Goddess of our queer dreams.

                 Widely inspired by Annie Clark is my next musical Queeroe. Mackenzie Scott aka Torres. There’s something about debut albums that I really love and Torres self-titled LP from 2013 is definitely in my top favorites list. It’s really fucking sad music with raw emotion, as you can hear in “Honey”, “Jealousy and I” or “When Winter’s over”. Her second album “Sprinter” showed a very exciting evolution in her sound but it’s “Three Futures” from 2017 that encapsulates Mackenzie’s desire towards experimenting with her sexuality in a more explicit way. As seen in the video for the first single where she takes on gender roles as both feminine and masculine characters who are living the dreadful “American Dream”. Plus the cover picture for that record is her staring at a semi naked woman on a pole, marking 2017 as very gay year for music.      

                Laura Jane Grace’s voice first made waves through my ears because of the collab Against Me! did with Tegan Quin back in 2007 for the single “Borne On The FM Waves Of The Heart”. The song didn’t stick to me that long and although I had heard Against Me! was my kind of band I never took the time to really listen to them. Until 2014, when “Transgender Dysphoria Blues” was released and it rapidly became one of the most important records of my life. I started watching many interviews with Laura Jane about the struggles of coming out as a trans woman in this fucked up world, specifically while being part of the punk scene, where there’s not much space for anything other than toxic masculinity. I related to Laura’s journey and with every single lyrics on “True trans soul rebel” since it felt like the most authentic punk anthem I had heard in a while. I went to their first ever gig in Portugal in 2015 and screamed as much as I could surrounded by my family of misfits, all wearing black and their heart tattoos on their sleeves. I dug into Against Me! discography but other than the single “I was a teenage anarchist” which I already knew, nothing got me hooked as much as “Transgender Dysphoria Blues” did. Laura Jane’s name is very much appropriate, for her Grace is felt through her screams as much as her written words, something I found fascinating while reading her auto biography: “Tranny: Confessions of Punk Rock's Most Infamous Anarchist Sellout”. I loved every page of it, with original diary pieces, she takes us on a wild precious ride from her childhood and family issues to all the drama in the music industry or the tribulations of managing a band in this time and age. There’s really nothing more punk rock than being yourself and Laura Jane does it with so much effortless coolness and Grace.

            I tried not to listen to Courtney Barnett for months. I had seen the hype around her but didn’t feel quite ready to embark in that journey and my queers did I regret it… She played at Primavera Sound Porto in 2015 and I started listening to her on loop only weeks after that. The heartbreaking part is that I was also at that festival. The good part is that she came back in 2016 to another festival in Lisbon and I was there just for her (and Father John Misty). Which felt like the stars had aligned with my musical desires. She’s unapologetically herself but not in the way that you would say so about Cardi B for example. She’s wickedly smart with her words and unexpectedly brutal with her chords, right before she opens her mouth she looks like the sweetest person you will ever meet and after you are transported to her own island, full of genius puns, sarcastic inputs about daily life or the state of the world. My favorite verse is from “Pedestrian at best” and I almost got it tattooed… “Give me all your money and I’ll make some origami honey”. Which to me roughly translates to: Fuck Capitalism! She’s also very open about her long term relationship with her wife and fellow musician Jen Cloher, making them the ultimate indie rock’s queer power couple.

                 2016 was the darkest year of my life. I stopped listening to music for months, stopped sleeping and my panic attacks would strike me even if I was in the middle of a busy street. It was scary to lose myself in such dark thoughts but then one day I listened to Shura’s song “Too shy” and felt like a little bit of me was alive again. Her debut album “Nothing’s real” came out around that time and her lyrics for the title song were exactly what I felt through my depression. In this song she is writing about her own experience with a panic attack that makes you feel like dying. And they do. “Too Shy” is a beautiful tune about unrequited love because you are simply too fucking shy to ever go for it and ask your crush on a date. Being shy and anxious almost always go hand in hand, as an awkward, quiet, weird introvert myself, discovering Shura’s songs and story gave me hope and made me gather the lost pieces of my own identity, leaving all the pain, shame and constant anxiety behind. Music really is medicine for the soul.

                 Julien Baker also has one of the best debut albums I’ve ever heard. Personally, it’s very special because it marks the beginning of my current relationship, as my girlfriend surprised me with Julien’s “Sprained Ankle” vinyl just weeks after we started dating. That vinyl did not leave my record player for the last months of 2016 and whenever I listen to it now, I am instantly transported to that moment in time. I was finally getting back on my feet and everything was falling into place, Julien’s gigantic voice echoed my natural melancholy, embracing my demons with a new found strength.  I’ve seen her twice, both times a very out of body experience and had the pleasure to let her know how much her music has helped me. We hugged, talked and she even has the zine I make (CuntRoll) in her living room table because she likes it so much. She is someone I could definitely see myself hanging out in my group of friends and that’s what I love the most about this new generation of artists, who aren’t trying to be something they’re not for the sake of money or exposure. They embrace who they are and let the world decide if they wanna take it or leave it. And that’s exactly what we need right now, to accept and embrace people for who they are and the art they make. So we can all to the same in our own lives.

                 “Yeah I’ve got it I’m a man now…” are the verses that got stuck with me for weeks after listening to Christine and The Queens single “iT”. Yes, the capital T is on purpose as it represents testosterone, the hormone used by many Trans AFAB people to start the process of becoming more themselves. This androgynous handsome French creature original name is Heloise and since her worldwide success with her first record “Chaleur Humaine” she has shredded so many stereotypes through her music, her dancing and her style. I hate comparing artists but some people call her “ the French Michael Jackson” for a reason. My chin dropped while watching her cover for Beyonce’s “Sorry” which she transformed into her own song like it’s nobody’s business (please go watch it asap). This year she blessed as with her second LP just called “Chris” inviting the world to be a little bit closer to her. Chris is her nickname and presents us with a new image for Heloise, embracing her masculine vibe more than ever before, with short hair, loose clothing and talking proudly about queer issues in many interviews. The video for the single “5 dollars” is the epitome of gender fucking and the reason why I am even gayer now tbh.  (You should watch that also!) The future is genderqueer.

                 I stayed away from the hype of “Girls like Girls” back in 2015 because I’m mostly suspicious of pop artists using gay stories to go with the trend of pink washing, ie Katy Perry “I kissed a girl” is a fucking jam but also really fucking problematic, coming from a cis het white female who has no idea the struggles of being queer. Hayley Kiyoko is most definitely not one of those artists though, as she has slowly but certainly become the Lesbian Jesus we’ve all been praying for. With “Curious” she let us know there’s a new fucking boss in town and she’s so fucking gay. What a time to be alive, 20gayteen is real and we are here to witness it all. Hayley’s not the greatest singer in the world, but she uses the best of her skills to give voice to all the kids who struggled with feeling alienated because they couldn’t fit in anywhere. She creates videos which are more like short stories, where she not only acts, but also writes and directs with her own team, never compromising her vision to tell the stories she wants to tell. Stories that resonate with so many queer people and we all know how important representation is, especially coming from an authentic source. To have such a person in the mainstream is what Tegan and Sara were thriving for a few years ago but the result wasn’t very genuine, something that doesn’t happen with Hayley’s songs. Her album “Expectations” doesn’t have big hits, other than “Feelings and “Curious” but it’s the debut album of someone with a huge potential and vision to take up the space for ourselves to tell our own stories and no one else.

                Linn Da Quebrada is the musical Goddess of the moment. Eloquent, inspiring, caustic, no one is left indifferent after listening to her. And that's exactly what she wants, to leave us on our tiptoes waiting to be carried away by words of pleasure, empowerment, trans feminism and especially so much self-love. Each verse is a lyrical genius clapback in the face of this transphobic, sexist and racist society. Prejudices that kill so many queer people of color in Brazil every year. Her existence is transforming, rewriting the HERSTORY of the world and of her country, through the re-appropriation of funk, where SHE finally gets to be the protagonist of her own story and that courage surpasses linguistic or cultural barriers. In 2017 she released her first album “Pajubá” after a very successful crowdfunding campaign and also has her own documentary called “Bixa Travesty” which has gathered accolades through many film festivals around the world. The song “Bixa Preta” is a fucking iconic anthem for 20gayteen and for all of my maricones family out in the world fighting everyday for our existence to be respected.

We will NEVER be erased.

[lillianfromaccounting]

Finally getting around to this!

Was tagged by @cenobitic-anchorite (thank you!)

Putting this under a read more, because I wrote a lot.

1. What is your favorite movie? My answer to this is always Sleeping Beauty because it was the first movie that I stayed up watching with no adults. Like I must have been around 7 and my older cousin was 12 and we stayed up watching it after all the adults went to sleep. So for me, it signified some sort of independence. (On another note, that same cousin and I also stayed up to watch Pretty Woman before I realized what was going on in that movie.)

I know sometimes it’s a cop out answer, because I really can’t pick a favorite live action movie. There’s too many and I love a lot of them. Also, usually, when I say Sleeping Beauty, based on the other person’s reaction, I can tell if they’ll be compatible and/or get my vibe or not.

2.  If you had to drastically change your hair, how would you cut it and what color would you dye it?  I want rainbow hair, but I can’t have that where I work. I’ve been saying I’ve wanted to dye it red for several months now, but haven’t made the appointment yet (long story, but also mostly me dragging my feet). I’ve ALWAYS wanted a pixie cut, but have always been told that my face shape isn’t good for it (I did it senior year of college and there were people who flat out told me never to get that hair cut again). I’ll do it again, when I feel like I have the energy to maintain it.

3.  Can you drive a manual transmission car? lol, no. I can just barely drive an automatic. (Fact: I got my license at age 23 and didn’t regularly drive until 32.)

4.  What’s your favorite thing to cook or bake? Why? Is there a word limit to this? Cuz we’ll be here a few days. lol Favorite thing to bake is scones because I love scones. I also love to bake pumpkin chocolate chip cookies. And anything with a short pastry, so pies, tarts. I LOVE making sweet danishes. Oh crumb cakes. Oooh it’s season for fresh cranberries. I make a really good cranberry lime crumb cake. Cake, in just about every variation (rounds, sheet, cup, etc.) I like these because they’re delicious (and very few bakeries make them well, and I’m a dessert snob. If I’m eating it, it better be worth the calories. I’m also very particular about my cake to frosting/crumb ratio). Also, fact: I suck at baking regular cookies. I can do it, but they never look right and I’m pretty sure I’m screwing up the ratio of dry to wet ingredients or the butter’s not cold enough or something, but yeah, my cookies always look seriously deformed. (yes, I’ve seen that chart that troubleshoots cookies. No, it hasn’t helped.)

Favorite thing to cook. Hm... go to comfort stuff: penne vodka, but really, I like trying new recipes.

5.  How old were you when you got your ears pierced (if your ears aren’t pierced, do you want to get them pierced? The first time I got my ears pierced, I think I was in 8th grade, so 13-ish. After the initial however long it was that you’re supposed to keep them in, I got lazy so I didn’t keep earrings in all the time (and they hurt my ears), so the holes apparently closed. I got them re-pierced in sophomore or junior year of high school and again, after a little while, they closed again. I was thinking about getting them re-pierced again.

6.  Do you like Thanksgiving? Why or why not? I LOVE Thanksgiving. Yes, the historical aspect can go to hell, but personally, I love Thanksgiving. So growing up, being Chinese, we never celebrated American Thanksgiving. When I was about 13, I got a bread making book from the Scholastic book fair and discovered that we had a working oven (Chinese people don’t cook with ovens. We have a wok and a rice cooker. That’s really all you need.). Anyway, I started baking bread and it was amazing.

Also, our local supermarket would do the holiday promotion of if you spend $X, you can get a free holiday protein, and being a household of 8 (sometimes 10), we hit that spending threshold very, very quickly. So one year, I told my mom that we’re getting a turkey, instead of the ham that she likes. She was skeptical, but I was hell bent on celebrating American Thanksgiving and figuring out what this whole turkey hoopla was about.

I started cooking a Thanksgiving feast for my family (immediate and extended) from the age of 14. I did a sticky rice stuffing in the bird. Mashed sweet potatoes (no marshmallow. it’s sweet enough by itself.) I always made a lasagna (with cheese from DiPalo’s, where I would wait hours on line for our order) or another pasta dish. We did Chinese vegetables. And every year, we would pick new recipes we’d want to try. By ‘we’, I mean me. I would pick new recipes that I’d want to try and my three younger siblings would be obligatory sous chefs. And since bread baking happened in the wee early hours of the morning, we would have it for breakfast. So then I expanded the menu to include breakfast, lunch, and dinner. It became an all day thing and I was (and still am) obsessed.

Oh, it probably also helped to know that I come from a very large extended family and everyone would come through our house during holidays. Usually, it’s because my family hosted the mah jong parties, so we were kinda party central. My biggest Thanksgiving, we had about 50 people cycle through the house that day, so I had to make sure I had food enough for 50 people. Growing up, I’m pretty sure we never had less than 30. (It’s been a shock for me these past several years when we’ve hosted less than 20 people on turkey day.)

Then, my siblings would find recipes that they want to try, and Thanksgiving was this day where we would try food. Not all the recipes worked out, but no one ever got sick or food poisoning (oh man, I have stories from adjacent family members). But yeah. It’s an insane production and I love every minute of it (especially since my mom did the clean up, because bless that woman, she messed up Jiffy corn bread mix when she tried to bake, so she sticks to cleaning).

Anyway, after I got married, I demanded Thanksgiving, which my in-laws didn’t care about because they were getting it catered anyway. But I found out the hard way that they’ve sucked the soul out of my Thanksgiving festivities. One person demanded Stove Top (over fresh sausage dressing?!??!!). Fine. Another prefers roasted turkey (as opposed to smoked or fried). Year after year, they keep telling me to make less food, because they don’t enjoy watching me cook (they think I work too hard, but they also don’t understand that I’m having the time of my life).

At this point, I know that in order to get back to the Thanksgiving that I want to celebrate, it will be after that generation has passed. It’s fine.

I used to start planning my Thanksgiving menu in March, studying recipes and picking and choosing stuff up until like two weeks before hand. Ever since the kids came along, that excitement has also waned. But I’m excited for this year. There will be apple cider mimosas. And I’m roasting a savory pumpkin. And there will be artichokes. Oh and one of my good friends went to Dominique Ansel Kitchen’s pie night this year and had a poached pear chocolate pie that she said was divine. I am attempting to recreate it based on her descriptions of the textures and her pictures. This is what I live for.

(where the fuck is that barney stinson challenge accepted gif when you need it?)

and yes, this year will be my 24th year cooking Thanksgiving dinner.

7.  If you could live in the world of one film, which one would you pick? Oh man. D2: The Mighty Ducks. Ok, I lied. I do have a favorite live action movie. I wish I had a more creative answer to this. Yeah, Harry Potter’s world would be cool. Yeah, I identify with hobbits. Any of the Star Treks would also be good in terms of universes. But I want Adam Banks to teach (13-14 year old) me how to ice skate.

8.  What kind of pet have you never had, but have always wanted? lol one of my bffs and I always wanted a baby panda.

9.  If you won the huge lottery, what would be the first 3 things you’d do?Get a good fucking lawyer, set up a shell foundation so it’s not listed in mine or my husband’s name, prepare to disappear after a couple of years of acting normal. Then, for the more fun three, pay off debt, travel, get a house somewhere the fuck else.

Ceno’s answer was too perfect, so I left it, mainly because I’d pretty much do the same. I’d buy my parents a new house and hire a chauffeur for them. Also @katiekeysburg will get a chauffeur. And I’d throw money at teleportation research. And fund a bunch of gofundmes.

10.  Have you ever gotten a tattoo? What is it? If you haven’t, do you want one? I do not have any but I’ve always wanted one of my Chinese name above my ankle and I’ve always wanted the pi character somewhere (debated various locations). One day, when I get the guts to. (and when it’s seasonally appropriate to get one above my ankle, cuz omg I never knew about the various care required while it heals.)

11.  What’s the stupidest thing you’ve ever done? hahaha um. Probably calling the cops on an online friend who I thought was going to kill himself, but he really wasn’t (but I didn’t know that). (hey kids, don’t put your addresses in your aol profiles--yes I’m ancient.) actually, I’ve done my share to stupid aol/online shit. it will probably come back to haunt me if i ever run for public office or marry a celebrity.

Ok, real stupid thing. I’m a severe klutz, and one time I walked off a raised cement slab (like the kind that statues would sit on) and sprained my ankle. It was probably 3 inches off the ground on the side that I got on it, but it was further off the ground on the other side, so when I got off the slab, I misjudged where to put my foot and I rolled my ankle. Ended up at the ER and they put me in a soft cast. I had to have crutches to get around campus and this one guy who I don’t even know his name, picked me up and carried me up the campus hill (we had a really big hill), and it was against my consent. I did NOT want him to pick me up. It was terrible. Anyway, I rolled my ankle by walking. I have tons of stupid shit. How much time you got?

I was also pretty pretentious when I was younger. (I might still be. I’m not as self aware as I wish to be.) I once asked an Italian friend to try my tomato sauce and asked him what was missing because it didn’t taste right. (I know. I was so gross. You learn from your own grossness though.)

What other stupidity? I fawned over boys. My bff gave me a copy of The Giving Tree in college (I had never read it before) as a metaphor of how much of myself I gave to this toxic dude. I sobbed reading it for the first time.

In hindsight, not getting my license at 17 was a pretty stupid move too. But that also had to do with life circumstances.

OH. Turning down an interview for an internship with my dream company at the time, because I had already accepted an internship position with another company.

Trying to explain to my MBA ethics class how my industry worked only to get it mansplained back to me (pretty stupid of me to have tried in the first place).

Going for my MBA was also a pretty stupid move in the holistic view of my life.

12.  Have you accomplished your New Year’s Resolution for 2018? I honestly don’t remember if I even made resolutions, so I’m going to say hard no.

13.  If you could get any degree from any school, free of charge, what would you pick? Criminal Psychology. Ceno, we can go to school together! (this reminds me I need to catch up on last week’s Criminal Minds) Another option would be anything in the forensics sciences. I would also like to learn massage therapy. And I want to take that artisan bread breaking course at the Institute of Culinary Education.

I forget how many people I’m supposed to tag. @katiekeysburg @daisyjm75 @steverogersnotebook

[khiphop-discussions]

SMTM4 “Where Are They Now?” special pt.1

Show Me the Money 4 was one of the most iconic seasons in history! I personally, STILL don’t think there’s a season that has come after this one to top it entertainment-wise. So let’s talk about some of the contestants on the season and what they have been up to since the show ended.

Basick

So of course we have to talk about the winner! Basically (no pun intended), he’s just been doing his thing, enjoying life. He’s released a mini album titled “Nice” in 2016. Later that year and into early 2017, he was part of Team Swish as judge along with Microdot and Joosuc,  on a show called “Hip Hop Tribe 2″ where celebrities who aren’t professional rappers competed in fashion that was not unlike SMTM (except with much less drama). Throughout 2017 he multiple singles released songs as part of his “Way To Foundation” project featuring Sik-K and the Quiett to name a few.

Mino

(Why is he shielding his eyes if he’s already wearing a fucking hat with a brim in the front? lol)

This dude in the last 2 (almost 3 years) has done SO much there’s no way I can name it all here! I’m sure you guys already know since I ‘ve pretty much been talking about him ever since this season ended but here’s the abridged version. After becoming a household name with such hits as “Okey Dokey”, “Fear”, and “Turtle Ship” on SMTM4, his career has taken off. He’s done MULTIPLE TV shows (Most recently New Journey to West 4, WINNER Over Flowers and Kang’s Kitchen), made a duo (MOBB) with Bobby of SMTM3 and iKon fame, won awards, and got even MORE famous with his group WINNER with hits like “Really Really”. OK, Mino.

Andup

AndUp, most famously known for beefing with Vernon (although, it was NEVER as deep as SMTM made it seem. Multiple people for SMTM4 have said this.) is now going by Hanbyul as an actor! Don’t misunderstand, AndUp is still a rapper and was on the most recent episode of Olltii’s freestyle rap series on Youtube, “7indays” (pronounced “Chill in days”). Looking forward to AndUp’s, or Hanbyul’s rather, future acting projects!

Vernon

Just like Mino, this dude has done SO much since SMTM4 I can’t list even HALF of it here. So I’ll just give a brief summary. Seventeen debuted not long after SMTM4 aired. The group is pretty successful and pretty much universally considered to be one of the best (if not THE best) debuts of 2015. After the show, Vernon released a solo track featuring Don Mills called “Lotto”. He’s completely turned his life around and is no longer “zonin’ out~”, or “pulling up on whacks”. He’s still rapping and doing his thing. Ah Yeah.

Kim Minjae

You actually might not even recognize this name or face so let me refresh you! Kim Minjae, who also goes by “Real.be”, came in as one of what I call the “Pretty Boy Trio” because of Mnet’s treatment of them. He was introduced with One and Vernon but unlike them he was eliminated at the second round for being “only good at rapping” (yeah...I don’t fucking know either. Ask Dok2 I think he’s the one who said it). This guys is multi-talented. He sings, raps, dances, acts, MCs, he does it all. Just go look him up. He actually came back on my radar after seeing him on “Celebrity Broamance” season 1 with BTS’ V! Apparently, they have been friends for a while but never got to meet in person up until that show. May the bromance continue to blossom and Minjae continue to acquire talents.

One

Rounding off the “Pretty Boy Trio” is my boy One. Like Mino, I NEVER stopped talking about him so you guys all probably know what he’s been up to but he’s one of the most ikonic (pun intended) and successful contestants to be on SMTM. Since SMTM4, he’s left 1Punch and signed to YG Entertainment which everybody knows because he came BACK for SMTM4 and told us! Then, on SMTM5 he released on of the most iKonic songs in SMTM history, “Comfortable”.You know, the which DIDN’T win or even get nominated for any awards despite getting All-Kills? Yes, I’m still salty. He also was the lead in Lee Hi’s video “My Star”. Anyway, Hanhae’s ex-boyfriend and B.I. of iKon’s current fiancee released his first solo EP in 2017, titled “One Day”. One has been in TWO drama’s, “Anthology” being the most recent and most prominent role. He has yet to give a full performance of his songs, although he performed “Heyahe” at Seungri of BigBang’s club “Gabbia” for the first time in January. He continues to be beautiful, while I continue to try and steal him from B.I. (who he’s not actually engaged to, that was a joke. They ARE close friends though. I hope you guys have caught on to my sense of humor by this point in the post. Maybe I should stop making jokes like that in a post that’s supposed to be informative before someone misunderstands lol). And do yourself a favor and go watch that “My Star” M/V, seriously.

This is ALREADY a long ass post. So I’m gonna stop right here, but I’m more than likely gonna do a part two to this. If there’s anybody else you want to know about then send me an ask. Other than that I’m probably just gonna put whoever I think was most talked about/popular from the season. Also, I’m gonna do this for some of the other seasons too!

[dudence-blog]

Dear Dudence for 30 November 2017

It’s the penultimate day of the week.  Friday Eve.  Time to start warming up for the weekend.  With a glass of wine in hand and a series of questions needing answers it’s on to the fun!

My 5-year-old daughter is the joy of my life. She is smart, funny, kind, and adorable—but she is a terrible singer! I mean, dogs will howl when she sings. But for some reason, she thinks she is a great singer and insists on doing it often and at the top of her lungs, which annoys me to no end.

Dear Breaking a 5-year old’ heart, this is my face as I read your letter:  :-I  I’m hoping you’re rereading this yourself and realizing you’re the villain in a children’s movie.  All that being said, of course your five year old is a terrible singer.  She’s 5.  They’re terrible at everything.  Have you ever seen them run?  Ride a bike?  Cook?  Throw a football?  Drive a car?  They’re awful at all of them.  You know why?  Because they’re five.  Do not, I repeat DO NOT stop your child from singing just because you think she’s a terrible singer.  Teach her time and place for quiet time, and if she’s just too precocious maybe look into a children’s choir (your local church almost certainly has one).

My significant other and I have been together for a couple of years. When we met, I knew that he was in the poly scene, but he said that was not a necessity for him. I was curious about opening up the relationship but wanted us to build our relationship first. At this point, I feel like we have a strong foundation and am curious about opening things up. I have not had great experiences with nonexclusive relationships before and know that I have a strong jealous streak. However, I am also turned on by the idea of my partner being with someone else, although I wouldn’t want us to have full-blown relationships with other people.

Dear Happily considering an open relationship, I’m going to guess that “strong jealous streak” and “open relationship” are not quite mixing nitro and glycerin, but it’s a close enough approximation.  That being said if it’s something you’re interested in, bring it up with your partner.  Talk, talk some more, then talk some more, and if you’re both still down for it go and start banging other people to your heart’s, or wherever else’s, content.  But, let’s go ahead and back up a bit.  You mention that you’re turned on by the fantasy of your partner being with someone else.  One, not every fantasy is meant to be experienced, nor will they live up to the hype.  Two, “I get wet/hard in my nethers thinking about him with someone else” doesn’t necessarily need to be satisfied by both of you needing to seek out half-blown relationships with other people.  Maybe just a threesome with a professional satisfies that particular itch?  Remember, shop local this holiday season.

My stepmom has always had an odd habit of trying to co-opt my parents’ shared history to minimize my mother’s role. For example, someone will tell a story that happened in the ’80s, when my brother and I were toddlers, and my stepmom will remark on how she remembers or was present at that event, even though this was years before my parents broke up.

Dear Mom who, not to be that guy but how sure are you that something which happened before your parents broke up means it’s impossible your stepmom wasn’t around then?  Nevermind.  Not to defend an evil stepmother here, but “I don’t want my husband’s ex at family functions involving me, his current wife,” is not the most unreasonable request in the world.  It would be great if we lived in a world where, even after divorce, all parties behaved respectfully towards each other.  Also, if you were a toddler in the 80s you’re a grown-ass (wo)man now.  You might just need to accept that your dad and his wife are just not going to be able to play nice with your mom, and stop trying to make it happen.  You might not be being petty, but you’re certainly refusing to acknowledge the actual state of the relationship between your parents and their current spouses.

After my brother’s divorce, he doesn’t speak to his daughters (ages 16, 19, and 23). I have maintained a great relationship with my nieces. I feel that that their relationship with their father has nothing to do with me. I am supportive of all mature behavior, by anyone.

Dear Auntie in the Middle, I’d say keep on keeping on by being someone on their father’s side of the family the can reach out to.  If you want to take some extra effort to keep the grandparents and grandchildren connected then arrange a time when the girls will call that the grandparents knoew to expect the call.  “Hey mom, Daughter 2 would really just like to speak with you.  She’s going to call you Sunday afternoon, please make sure your phone is on.”  Also, there is no rule which says people can’t write.  “Hey dad, you and Daughter 1 keep missing each other’s calls, could you shoot her an email? She’d really like to hear from y’all.”

My boyfriend’s family is all very abusive to each other, and in turn, it’s all he knows. He is a very sweet and loving person, but if even mildly agitated, he’ll call me names and scream at me that I’m crazy. Today he told me that he was breaking up with me and to get the fuck off his property or he would call the police, after pushing me out and slamming my arm in the door. Turns out, it was his mom’s birthday and I wasn’t invited, and he forgot when he invited me over and said we were going out tonight. He then texted me, acting very sweetly again, saying he just wanted me to leave and didn’t know how to make me leave, that he’s sorry, all that.

Dear Boyfriend’s Abusive Family, you know my expression from the mom who hates her child’s singing voice?  Yeah, I’m giving you that face hoping you’ll hear what you’re saying.  Your boyfriend is a monster and he’s going to seriously injure you.  I get it, he’s from a terrible family and he’s acting the only way he knows how.  He’s also going to put you in the hospital one day.  The reason he’s a wonderful, caring person when he’s not a rage demon is because if he was such a creature all the time he wouldn’t get you to want to stay with him.  Leave.  Leave now.  

I have been in a relationship with the same person my entire adult life (10 years). We’re all but engaged, and he wants very much to buy a house and settle down into a blissful future. It’s a beautiful dream, but I feel discontent, and there’s a big part of me that desperately wants to run away, drop 70 pounds, and sleep with other people. I want to sleep around and date and do all the things I missed out on, but I can’t bear to lose him.

Dear FOMO or something more serious, you could discover you’re half Amish and want to give rumsphringe a go.  Much like Newdie I cannot predict the future.  Unlike Newdie though I can give you one of two options how it’s going to go.  1, you’re going to break up with your long term boyfriend who satisfies you in all those dull, mundane ways which long-term partners satisfy each other and you’re going to find out that banging bunches of people you don’t know well and who don’t care that much about you isn’t all you thought it would be, that travel is actually kind of dull; sure it has its moments, but at the end of it you spent a lot of money to go someplace that wasn’t all it looked to be in the movies, and kind of smelled like pee (Hello Paris!), and at the end of it all you’re going to find your ex used the opportunity as well and enjoyed it.  2, you’re going to find that, now freed from your anchor of a boyfriend you shed that weight and it turns out you love banging hot guys and gals in hidden nooks and blind corners in all the places to which you travel.  I know which outcome I’m going to bet on.

I have a co-worker who is very polite, fun to be around, and treats me with respect. The problem? My intuition is telling me that her kindness is fake and that I should be careful to trust her. I just have this feeling that I can’t trust her and that she will use our friendship against me. I have no evidence to back this mindset up, but it’s always in the back of my mind when I’m around her. How do I get past this?

Dear Deviance in my head, you don’t get past it.  It’s work, not play group.  You don’t trust them.  Be professional, but they’re not your friend and you don’t need them to be to do your fucking job.

I am a middle-aged woman. The past year has been stressful: My husband retired due to disability. I gave up a part-time job to travel with him, but we ended up staying home. Our 20-year-old daughter had a mental health crisis, left college, and moved back home. We are in very good financial shape. We get along OK, although I find myself mediating arguments between the two of them.

Dear Rehab, several aspects of your life were unexpectedly turned on their head, and not for the better.  Honestly, I felt like refreshing my drink just reading it.  Being aware that you’re upping your alcohol intake and that you’re likely doing it in response to some stresses in your life is a good start.  Instead of running off to find a program to control your suspected alcoholism, maybe you should first just try not drinking as much.  Have your beer with dinner, and then stop.  If that doesn’t work you might want to look into getting some help, but I’m having a hard time thinking you’re an alcoholic when you haven’t actually shown you’re not in control of your relationship with alcohol.

One of my good friends from high school recently came out to me as gay. We were part of a tight friend group—all cis men who graduated from high school about 10 years ago. He and I have remained friends, and since he came out to me, he has mentioned having boyfriends and dating men since at least early college, meaning he was in the closet (or at least not out to me) for a while now.

Dear Did I keep my friend in the closet, I have an acquaintance who files letters like your under the header “Dear World, how can I show the world how woke I am?”.  You are being selfish, overthinking this, and are definitely trying to insert yourself into your friend’s relationship with his own sexualtiy.  Also, it’s likely you and your other friends talking about masturbation and discussing porn with him made him gay because that is totally how that works.  You should tell him that.

I love my boyfriend, “Stan,” and I see a future together. My only problem is how enmeshed his life is with his ex, “Sara.” Sara is gay and came out after she divorced Stan. They have a son together. Sara and her partner have three kids together. Stan got remarried but lost his wife to cancer. His stepdaughter is still in her final year of high school so she lives with him. Stan and his family go over to Sara’s all the time for dinner. Stan is the Little League coach for one of their kids and takes the other two camping and hiking. His son is in college, but Stan refers to Sara’s kids as his all the time! His stepdaughter calls them her “aunts” and “cousins.”

Dear Separate Lives, your boyfriend didn’t lose his wife to cancer, she died from it.  Back to the letter.  It’s good you feel like an ogre for resenting the positive and fulfilling relationship your boyfriend has with his son, his son’s half-siblings, and the daughter of his dead wife, because “ogrish” is one of the words I thought of while when I saw how this letter was going to go.  The way you start this conversation would be to discuss how you view your future together.  Maybe, just maybe, Stan doesn’t see the same future you do.  The dude does have bad luck with wives afterall.  Maybe he is looking forward to downsizing and letting the kids live their own lives when they’re older.  You won’t know unless you ask.  There’s nothing in your discussion with Stan that is guaranteed to start a fight.  I mean, unless you go into it demanding he boot out his stepdaughter (she’s not his real daughter away) and get those disgusting lesbos away from y’all.  If you do that then, yeah, it’s going to be a fight.

[thisisevenharderthannamingablog]

OUaT S6 Wrap-Up 3/3: Characters & Conclusion

Part 1: Structure | Part 2: Theme

In my 6x01 review, I posited the following arcs for this season:

Rumple’s arc has to do with whether he can avoid repeating his own early story – especially challenging when it seems that he has lost this child before he can even be born – and regain what he has lost, before it’s too late.

Regina wants to start a new story, but she’s already taken a step down the path she walked once before, and her other half is out there plotting evil.

Emma has been told that her story will end soon, just as it finally seemed that happiness was within her reach. Can she avoid this? Should she avoid it?

And indeed, those were each brought to a conclusion by the end of the season.

Rumple did avoid repeating his own story. 

Regina has started two new stories, one of each of her selves.

Emma met her fate and has her happy ending.

There are a lot of devils in those details, though. 

First off, I want to say that guest villains got treated terribly this season. As I noted earlier, we never found out much of anything about Hyde -- nothing about how he came to be so powerful, why he wanted Storybrooke, or what even his deal was other than revenge on Rumple. We never got a coherent explanation for the nature of the Evil Queen as an entity. Gideon made more sense in retrospect, but for his first few episodes he was apparently without any motive, which significantly weakened their impact. We were on the brink of the season finale before we knew what moved the Black Fairy, and even after her centric her whole plan continued to make no sense. She had to kill Emma because it’s prophesied? She wanted the town because why exactly? The Dark Curse was suppose to do what? What the hell kind of lazy bullshit?

The long-term characters’ side is not much better.

Emma’s trip around the Hero’s Journey came to a conclusion in S5. We spent this season in an extended denouement for her, the attainment of her happy ending. Those steps were doled out in agonizingly scanty increments -- moving in together, getting engaged, breaking the engagement, doing it again, the tacit admission on screen (at last) that adults in a committed relationship often have sex, and the wedding itself. The only other thing they had on tap for Emma to do all season was to endure visions of her own death -- a matter she can only passively endure -- and fight a redundant duel. It’s telling that the supposed turning point of the finale, when she chose to return to Storybrooke, happened off-screen.

Even the wedding -- a visual at which her story has been aiming for four seasons -- was a stop and go affair that hardly received the build-up I would have expected. The two engagements, multiple episodes of separation, followed by the “do it now/no wait don’t/never mind do it now!” back and forth made it difficult for this audience member to give a damn about the ceremony. Much as I still love the characters, their circumstances for the second half of this season have felt contrived in the most laborious fashion. Pancakes don’t make up for that, guys.

The Savior mythology remains so murky that’s hard to imagine why they bothered with it at all, except as a sorry attempt to justify the idea of the Final Battle. What they added by bringing in multiple additional Saviors doesn’t work very well on that level.

With both Jafar/Aladdin and Rumple/Fiona you had a clearly-defined long-term nemesis relationship with logical character roots. Aladdin and Jafar were fighting over their mutual home territory, and there is a natural potential for conflict in any parent-child relationship. In the wish world, we had Emma and Regina, which is certainly a long and complicated relationship supporting the idea of a conflict.

None of these prop up the idea that any old villain can come along and say, “You’re a Savior and I’m a Really Evil Person, so I now we have to fight to the death.” (I know I keep complaining about this, but I am still floored that they tried to sell it.) And then, having laboriously tried to establish that, they threw it all out the window anyway with Emma as the sole savior of the multiverse in the finale.

That mess aside, giving Emma a light season after the S5 wringer she went through might have made sense, except that no one else seems to have anything pressing to do, either.

This could have been an interesting season for Regina. She started out with major focus on her, got a lot of attention during the wish episodes, and spent several additional episodes working out the aftermath of her doomed romance with Robin. Unfortunately, whether it was in the idea or the execution, I have to say that her plot had a vital flaw; as either a conflict or a character study, Split Queen never took off and flew.

Looking back, I feel that they passed over a major opportunity for introspective interaction in favor of having the two Regina versions insult and throw fireballs at one another. This should by rights have been a subtle contest between perfect equals, and it was not. Even among the character’s fans, the resolution of her inner conflict did not appear to be a rousing success. (For those of us who didn’t like the character to begin with, it was a travesty.) Since then, she doesn’t seem to have any significant role to play. Her relationship with Zelena appears to have no solid foundation, but is either on or off depending on what the writers want Zelena to be doing in reaction to Regina. Having her give hope speeches cements the change, but it feels weird? Don’t get me started on the fact that somehow both halves of her have a happy ending now.

Rumple barely had anything to do all season, which is outright bizarre, given his role as the prime mover in so much of the plot in previous seasons. His role in creating the situation that led to Gideon’s abduction was never addressed head-on, which weakened the thematic power of the season’s second half for him. Ditto Belle coming back again, as if all of her doubts early in the season were quite forgotten.

His conflict with the Black Fairy -- which you might assume would be a Big Fucking Deal that could have drawn him into long-term cooperation with other characters -- wasn’t even a thing until the very end of the season. That conflict was ended in a way I can only call perfunctory. What finally changed in him? How did it change, given that he’s the Dark One?  The whole “Darkest of all the Dark Ones” bit was never even mentioned.   Why is it okay for him to kill Fiona but it wasn’t okay for Snow to kill Cora?

I guess we’ll never know, and that is the core my problem. There was a curious avoidance of introspection throughout the season. The show has always depended on conflict and magical flash, of course, but it also gave its characters chances to reflect on themselves and their roles at regular intervals. After all of these years, one might expect characters to be assured in their identities, that this season would tie things off securely.

I feel like Charming was the only character who came out of this season well, having resolved a major lingering issue from his past. Snow had no individual story. Killian was retreading ground the writers churned up quite thoroughly last season. Emma was largely facilitating contrived drama via dubious characterization and also repeating herself a lot. The less I say about Regina the better. Rumple got to play two notes all season -- controlling husband and alarmed dad -- neither of which is exactly new ground.

Conclusion

I end this wrap-up with the strong impression that whatever the root cause, the writers had no idea what to do with this season. I suspect for one that they didn’t expect a renewal at all, that they threw this together in a panic. They put together a skeleton half-composed of the Savior thing and half of Regina’s arc. Each of these plots had a parallel at the start of the season, and both of them were dropped by the halfway point, only to return in a painfully weak form in the finale. In the middle was mush.

Everything about the Savior mythology this season feels tacked-on, last-minute, and desperately inorganic to their previous story. There also wasn’t very much of it. They introduced this thread in the Aladdin scene from the season premiere, came back to it a few episodes later, but then… forgot? or otherwise neglected to tie it back to that theme at all when they wrapped up Jasmine and Aladdin’s adventure late in the season; there was literally nothing Savior-related in that story. Meanwhile, Emma’s side of the parallel turned right and dove into a motiveless, stakeless swamp with Gideon and the Black Fairy, which relied on the characters repeating the phrase Final Battle as if hearing it enough times would make anybody believe that it was important. Having the battle turn out to be internal, fine, but what was that stupid fight scene for, then?

I also have to state my firm belief that Regina was supposed to be in the Black Fairy’s spot. I have no idea what happened there, but seriously. There was absolutely nothing in her supplied back-story that made Fiona’s behavior or dialog in that episode comprehensible.

Whether or not they initially planned it this way or if fatigue set in partway through a planned season-long arc, Regina’s story came to an end ⅔ through the season. Her early parallel was with Jekyll and Hyde, but again all of that was disposed of along the way. There was no callback to its origin in the resolution of that arc (in fact, I don’t think anyone at all has even mentioned Hyde since he died, which I feel supports my theory that the sole reason for including him/them was create the Split Queen situation). The inner battle that originally created the two Reginas -- her powerful desires to hurt other people -- was elided in a resolution that recast the entire story to be a sympathetic one about her relationship to herself. Jekyll and Hyde died; the staggering human cost of Regina’s choices was erased. Even her Evil Queen half got to come back after her finale sacrifice, happier than ever.

Finally, there was no link whatsoever between these two anchor plots. Regina’s story concerned herself and Snowing and slightly Zelena, but Emma was barely present in it. Emma’s story concerned Regina for exactly as long as we thought that Regina might be the Hooded Figure; after that was cleared up, she became irrelevant in it. To this weak framework the writers attached bits and pieces of additional stories that again had no thematic resonance with either of the main plots, resulting in the hodgepodge of elements diagrammed earlier.

The writers didn’t think they were going to have the long hiatus they ended up having, so it’s not surprising that they failed to plan for the break, but that lack of information -- along with the drought of news regarding any season 7 right up until the actual finale -- adds to my sense that there has been some really terrible communication going on behind the scenes. And if it feels like we just watched an entire season of filler plot, that’s because they stretched what might have been a half dozen episodes’ worth of good material out to 20.

It’s not what I wanted to be writing at this point, to say the least.

[bewitchthequeen]

The Originals 4x10 Sins

Note: These are my opinions and I’m entitled to them and blah blah blah. I’m not going to deal with any negative talk towards me and I have nothing against the actors these are just somethings that were lackluster or things that I didn’t like. That being said, let’s get into it.

1. We first see the Hollow killing flowers. This makes me feel many things. Firstly, the Hollow has nothing better to do than to just kill a bunch of flowers with her magic? Seriously? I know this is suppose to be threatening, but bodies dropping would have been a lot more concerning than that flower cliche. Secondly, wow, you’re an asshole. Going all Willy-nilly mirdering flowers.

2. The Hollow’s voice. I know that sounds like I’m attacking the actress but she sounds too sweet to be a villain, and not in a creepy way. Nothing against the actress, her voice is just not intimidating. Which is kind of odd because it’s they did a good job with making her look intimidating. 

3. The whole fight (?) scene between the Hollow and Marcel. That scream just flashed me back to Teen Wolf after Lydia had learned to weaponize her screams. (That show is failing and ending TO I would take too much from them).

4. The whole traveller’s motive rehash. This whole “vampires (immortals) are a curse on this Earth” thing is getting old. This guy tied to a chair is no different. Any anyways, witches can be resurrected basically at any point in time meanwhile unless you get a witch to resurrect a vampire, a vampire can’t come back… So by that logic, aren’t witches more of a curse on the Earth than vampires are? Sure, they can live forever but at least they usually stay dead.

5. Kolvina is still unimpressive. Kol’s whole personality is centered around Davina now and it’s just completely exhausting, repetitive and boring. I guess I’m happy that Kol is happy with her, but him bitching and moaning over her is taking away about what I liked about him in the first place. Honestly, he shouldn’t need Davina to decide he wants to change or anything. I can understand that a part of it is probably guilt but still. This love story is kind of boring and it lacks depth for me.

6. If this fundamental foundation of who Elijah is, isn’t the night he killed Tatia and has something to do with Hayley, I’ma be so fucking pissed..

7. Elijah didn’t die for Klaus. He didn’t because he was being a dumb bitch that led him into that situation. Had he not been an irrational, murderous lunatic, he wouldn’t have been in this situation to begin with. Why does every one in this show keep singing his praises?

8. Me at Hayley while dealing with Savage, Blood-Thirsty Elijah: “Hit him in the face! Hit him in the face! Why aren’t you hitting him in the face?! Don’t run, hit him in the face”

9. Wowee! Some great, nameless, harvest girls ya got there D. Why are so many witches in this series love being pompous assholes. God!

10.This episode proves that Hayley, even five years later, sucks at defending herself (and needs a seven year old to save her). She’s better this season, but one good season doesn’t erase the other three she was completely horrible in or back when she was on tvd. You need two more seasons of good Hayley to balance that out if she’s not going to acknowledge she was being a controlling and unfair bitch, which she won’t so.

11. Magical savage to man transformation by walking through a door. I fucking called it, woo! 

12. Freya continues to be the literal worst. We’re back at the “we’ll sacrifice whoever it takes for our family” DID YOU LEARN NOTHING FROM LAST SEASON? Jesus. Elijah can handle being trapped in a pendant for a while. It’s not like he’s suffering so chill. He doesn’t need to be put back into flesh immediately.

13. The Hollow did barely did anything this episode aside from throw Marcel across a room and brutally murder a bunch of flowers just by walking past and yet everyone is talking about her next move.

14. “Elijah has only done those things for family and that’s why he’s the best of us. Always has been” Can I get a bullshit? Maybe past Elijah did, maybe TVD Elijah did, but TO Elijah is a whole another entity. A selfish, murderous entity. Honestly, I think Elijah got kidnapped somewhere in between the last time he showed up in TVD and the first season of TO and replaced him with a golem or something. This is the only way to excuse his asshole-ed-ness.

15. This bitch is still killing flowers whilst being not at all threatening.

16. I no longer care about death on this show since they brought Davina back. She’s died twice and came back twice. Her death no longer affects me and I no longer care cause what’s the point if she’s just going to spring back up out of Satan’s nostril next time? Honestly, it seems like they really are trying to make her a rip off of Bonnie.

17. Where the fuck was Vincent this episode? Didn’t Yusuf get promoted to a main? Where the fuck—?